monday truth

it all started on monday...i was beginning to feel weird but i ignored the signs..pretty soon i felt so uncomfortable and yet i still choose to ignore my gut feeling..sitting alone by myself, i tried to behave normally but i couldn't , i just could not, how could i, i was so depressed that i wished this whole situation did not even started in the first place.it dawned on me that i might be faced with a little problem, a conflict as one might say but no, no, not here, not now, not today, please..

what did i do?
where did i go wrong?
was it something i didn't do?
how did it happened?
why is it happening?

my face was a perfect mask of how i felt, i no longer felt alright, no, i am not okay...stop asking me how i feel, no i am not okay, do i look okay?stop asking me but show that you care for me, i am okay, i think..

my throat felt tight as i tried to stop my sniffing..no, don't betray me, i kept on telling myself..particularly my eyes, it started to water and i just couldn't help it..it was an internal thing, due to some force deep within that refused to acknowledge me..smile, smile and your problems will be gone, its just a phase you're going through..it was a constant battle, because i was in class, and i told myself, please, try to be calm, things will work out right..

i sought help, i asked why, what is happening to me..

i was told the truth.though it was something that i knew all along.no, i don't blame myself, i did not do anything wrong..







i have flu.