last class of the academic year.

as we walked out of the class for the last time i felt really empty.
which is what i felt
on the last day of primary school.
last day of secondary school.
even worse on the last day of form 6.


when we have to go off on our study breaks i suppose the effect is not as strong because
"hey, see you during exam!"

but i suppose a little distraction is enough and neccessary
to make sure that
the harshness and the loneliness of it all
is a bit easier to manage

i dont like saying goodbye.
never did.

take a bow. shows over.

i had a dream about you last night, and we were both so happy.
like as though the incident in Feb was long forgotten and forgiven.
it was just like good times, like old times. talking, sharing, laughing, exploring.
we were talking, catching up on the missing pieces of each others lives
you'd smile at me and it made me happy that we were finally friends again.

and then i woke up to reality.
am i kidding myself? yes.
because the only way it would go back to that is if i fall for your smile and your charm once again.
no. you put me through hell.
for weeks i was haunted by your every move, your every word, your every gesture, your every everything.

if you didn't treat me that way that night-we'd still be the best of friends.
and we'd still be talking. sharing. laughing. exploring.
now there is this massive void between us.

i do wish you the best.im so over all that hate and anger.

when you snooze, you lose.

if i were flexible enough, i would kick myself in the head for taking my sweet time to redeem the vouchers.

*digress*
last month, i received a msg telling me that i have gotten myself a free limited edition shirt (apparently worth 109 ringgit) from Pull and Bear. since it was in the evening and i needed to get some groceries anyway i just slipped on my staple denim shorts with a decent looking shirt and red flats.
walking into Pull and Bear i made a beeline to the counter where i took out my secondary phone (which is quite an old model) and showed the msg to the girl at the counter. so while i was filling out my details, she was blabbering away to another salesgirl (whoops, they are no longer called that isn't it, now they are SALES ASSISTANTS) when suddenly
YA I CAN TELL IF THEY WALK INTO THE SHOP JUST TO GET THE FREE SHIRTS, USUALLY YOU DONT SEE THESE TYPE AROUND HERE
and smiled to me as she passed me the "limited edition" shirt.

i was thinking.
should i feel offended because its really offensive what she said? or am i being just a wee bit too sensitive?
after all, its not like we begged to get those shirts.
like yoki once said ada rezeki jangan ditolak

even if she didnt mean to sound so insulting, shouldn't she have thought that saying it out so LOUDLY would have made it sound worse than it really was?

you see, the irony of it all is that i HAVE purchased clothes from there.
just because i walked in looking so selekeh doesn't mean i cannot afford to pay for your clothes, okay.
i dont really sound that pissed cuz this event happened a while ago.
but the thing is, i started thinking- does this mean i have to dress up BEFORE i walk into the shop? just so that they don't judge me and act as though i am not worthy to be in the shop?

oh please la. the shirt, while it was quite nice and colourful (and a cheap advertising gimmick since it says "I BUY FROM PULL AND BEAR") did not seem to me like it was worth 109 ringgit.
but i do love it. if there is a similar shirt with the same cutting available in pure black, pure white- i would buy it.

you see. there is a reason why she is the sales assistant.
obviously she lacks the tact needed for a better job.
*end of digress*

so back to the Guess cash vouchers (urgh, i'm still feeling sore about it).
i was feeling abit appprehensive about walking into Guess in Highstreet- where all the shops are like omgwtfonlyinmydreams type so i purposely brought the cousin sister for support (see? paranoia).
walking into the shop (which is like a gazzillion times better and more expensive than Pull and Bear) i really feel so intimidated as i make my way to the counter.
i walked up to the guy behind the counter and asked him about the voucher and showed him the msg on my crappy but dependable secondary phone. and guess what?
i'm so sorry miss, but we only could give out vouchers to the first 30 people.. *shows list* i'm so sorry.. *smile*

i kinda knew it cuz i went to redeem my vouchers 2 days after receiving the msg. but its okay i suppose- i have a funny feeling i would have to fork out more money to get a decent pair anyway :)

but the way he spoke to me was really so nice. this is the type of service one should be giving if one is working in a line that deals with customers.

Sales staff aside, i really really feel a great sense of loss when i did not get the vouchers.
Its okay. I may not even be able to use them anyway..i think.
I'll just wait for the next cash voucher offer to fall into my lap- and i'll be more kiasu next time :p

btw- i wanted to get myself a new pair of shoes from Vincci but they always don't have my size! its so frustrating! :(
and i walked the whole of pdi this morning and i couldn't find a single thing i liked.
their standard is going down the drain! bad designs, cheap materials, gaudy colours.. the only items which i think are still worth buying at the moment are their shoes.
its so frustrating because i have 80 ringgit cash vouchers and i can't find anything that i like enough to spend that sort of money on.
on top of that, they gave me two 40 ringgit vouchers, so i have to find items which must add up to 40 minimum or else damn wasted la..
why couldnt they have given it to me in 20s instead?

alright, im being such a bitch- sounding so ungrateful..
im not. just frustrated :( since my voucher expires in june, i hope that they have new stuff in may (or sales or something..)
or shoes that i like which are in MY size. please please please.

what do you think?

I'm
a Gryffindor!

exBfNo3

been catching up with exBfNo3. im glad he is one of the few exs whom i am still on good terms with..few weeks back he asked me after a long conversation
so, was i a good boyfriend?
yeah. but kinda boring la.
oh. sorry.
i meant the relationship..not you.. *grins*

we ended the relationshp early form 5. and we never spoke to each other the way we used to after that. somehow, after nearly 6 years of not seeing each other or even talking to each other, we started to rekindle the friendship when..

CONVERSATION 1:
wah. there is this guy that i see every week, and i really like him
oh. cute ah?
ya. not to say handsome or what, but i like to see him.
so who is better looking. me or him?
WHAT! why you ask until like that!
just asking. so who is better?
erm. both also different, quite difficult to compare and i dont like to compare.
its okay, because I am asking you to compare us. so who is better?
erm. he got muscles la, body very nice.
dont talk about muscles, i know i dont have. so faster tell me..who is better looking?


CONVERSATION 2:
hey. am i handsome?

omg.
please la hahaha.
in both instances, i didnt bother answering his question.
how to answer! i don't like to lie to people's face okies!
then he cheekily asked
am i putting you in a very difficult position?

THIS IS NOT THE PERSON I DATED AT ALL!
scary.
scary shit.

don't wanna know la

ARGH

GIVE ME AN ANSWER

i think i like you. but in what capacity?
i dont know.
and you are just as confused as i am, i know.

i didnt get to sleep last night. i kept on waking up and now i'm cranky.
oh. pity you. i havent slept from last night.
ah. well im on my bed now. lets sleep together! but wait for my strepsils to dissolve first.
you come here la. then we sleep together.

wish i could.
but then THAT would be so so weird.

lazy sunday

my layout didnt really turn out as i expected :( but its okay, i'm semi happy, and its better than not being happy at all huh :p

so i'm recovering. from what ?
from a sore body.
and a sore throat.

i hate sore throats. seriously. ever since i can remember, im very prone to them.. but i suppose im lucky..i rather get sore throats than to have a bad cough and what not..

so..i have a new dilemma..
i have a 200 ringgit voucher from guess footwear.
but.. i dont believe for a moment that shoes from guess will only cost 200?
COME ON..
anyways..i have an 80 ringgit voucher from padini which i cannot use at the moment because the fucked up administration is so..fucked up.
my card expired, so i had to pay 10 ringgit to "renew" it. AND i have to wait ONE MONTH before their system is updated.

its been nearly two months and GUESS WHAT?
its still not updated because APPARENTLY the main office has not received the renewal slip from the place i renewed it.
stupid padini concept store at ikano

so i am waiting.
because i can't use my voucher WITHOUT presenting my card.

sigh.
80 ringgit.
and i hope hope hope i can get something with my 200 ringgit voucher.from guess. i don't care if all i end up getting are slippers.

new layout!

ah. i feel better already.
previous layout, while it was nice, seemed to reflect those days of sheer unhappiness.

this new layout? now, this is me.
all my favourite colours are out in full force!
can't be happier :)

f.l.u.b

i feel like running, cycling, whatever..
took a good look at myself in the mirror and i didnt like what i saw!
took a break for a week already, and i FEEL so so out of it. and its just one week, you know.

i dont care.
even if i feel so exhausted after that.
even if my body aches all over.. its alright. cuz this kind of pain, i like.

it doesn't help that i am having cravings for really fattening food like curries and nasi lemak :(
and coke. and sweets. i LOVE sweets.

somehow, not working out has intensified the cravings and im just feeling fat, lazy and useless..and..BIG. *sob*



shit.

grey area

dear pha,
i had a dream of the both of us and in my dream we did all the things we usually do when we meet up.

we met at the same place.
you drove.
and had dinner at the last place we went to.

but strangely enough, after that..
So what you wanna do now?
I wanna go home.

i can't help but feel a bit disturbed by this though..
cuz i do miss you loads when i don't receive your msgs BUT i know for a fact that we are DEFINITELY not suited to be with each other as a couple.

i do find it strange that after i have been out with you, i feel like i have the need to know how you actually feel about me
What are we?
I don't know.

its just fine then. because i myself don't know as well.
i just hate this blur line of best friend to boy friend to just being friends.
i wish i knew. but then again, im glad i dont.

"Hail Mary" was being repeated in my mind. Constantly. Some people take alcohol for dutch courage. for me, i look to the divine.

before leaving though, the thought of asking for company did cross my mind but wait a minute, no one knows where i was going anyway. ah yes. im in this alone. again.

decided to bring the old professor with me, to keep me occupied. he did mention few months back that he wanted to tell me a story, i just hadn't the time to sit down and listen to that story of his.

i cannot bear to sit in the reception area twiddling my thumbs for the lack of something to do. and time passes by oh so slowly. with every passing minute the tempo of my hearbeat increases.

i tried to pay attention to what the old professor was trying to tell me, for after all he did try his best to distract me from the worry that was not shown on my face (or so i thought).
after a while i realised that it was difficult listening to him because he was speaking in such showy language.

come on. can't you express yourself in a way that makes it easier for me to understand?
it is imperative that i speak in this manner. if you are unable to comprehend, i will gladly repeat myself for you.

i asked him to repeat himself, and i suppose i could understand him the third time round. but all the while, i was still waiting and waiting for my turn.

finally.
the moment of truth.
what i heard was a shock and a revelation at the same time, and it is comforting to know that i am not entirely alone in relation to this matter.
we will see how things are in 3 days time.

as for the old professor and i?
he is still trying to tell me his story. and because im so grateful that he was there, filling my hands (thus effectively preventing me from destructively twiddling my thumbs), i shall go and further deepen our acquaintance.

it's been one week.
and i received the call today.
going to see her now.

i hope and pray that everything is alright.
please be alright.
please.

Jessica Rabbit

THIS IS BLOODY BLOODY BRILLIANT ! lookit! its Jessica Rabbit!

i don't care what they say, im in love with youuuuu~~

stumbled upon pixeloo's site, and its just bloody brilliant.
bloody brilliant.
BLOODY BRILLIANT!
i've always wondered how do they manage to create something like this, and now i know.
you need intense skills man. INTENSE.

go see his site!
http://pixeloo.blogspot.com/

GUESS WHAT!!!
i FINALLY figured out something that i have been wondering about for ages!

i FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY understood what
"first cousin twice removed" means!

*joy*
*joy*
*joy*

*squeals in ecstacy*

id be more than happy to explain what it means to those who are willing to add this bit of info to their database *grin*

kickapoo

on saturday, i brought the brother to Popular in Ikano to get his stationary. i love going to Popular. *weirdo* i can just stand there and look at the various pens/files/notebooks/highlighters for ages and ages and i usually take a very very VERY long time to make a decision. which is the reason why i prefer to go alone :)

SINCE HOWEVER i did not go there to get stuff for MYSELF..i bugged the brother instead!

hey, this file looks nice, its got a nice shade of green!
okay.
HELLO, that file damn ugly la, would you want to walk around carrying THOSE patterns?
since you said so.
YUCK, its blue in colour!
okay, i want it.
Which would you prefer? the orange or the turquoise?
not the orange one.

JAHAT! *smack*

hehe.. it was not just confined to patterns and colours, OKAY.

hey, you prefer the 2R files or the 2D files?
whats the diff =.="
one is rounder than the other!
okay. 2D.
hey! that file you're taking is too soft!
okay. *puts back file*
WOI! that file super white and ugly la!
but its not soft. quite hard wut.
get the other one la! neh..red colour. nice what :)
ok.
eh..but i like this black one though.
but you said those type too soft.
not THAT soft ma!... *reconsiders*

i know, its out of sheer family duty and obligation my brother layan-ed me liddat. or else he will have to walk back home! *evil glint*

eh. that is too thin!
okay.
erm..how many subjects you got? can share share ma
okay. *grabs 4 files and walks towards the paper stacks*

hehe. anyways while i was lecturing him on the goodness of loose writing paper as opposed to those which are available in book form, out of the corner of my eye, i think i happened to see something i was not supposed to see.

there was this guy squatting with his kid (perhaps 3-4 years old) and the both of them were standing really close to the stationary bins. in the guys hand, i saw what seemed to be a drink contained in a plastic bag, you know, the type that you tapau from the coffee shop.
but hang on, waitaminit, this is IKANO, there are no shops nearby where you can tapau likdat!
when i adjusted my line of sight, it was actually the kid peeing into the bag.
erm. i really dont want to be judgemental, but frankly speaking, there were toilets nearby.
you want directions? its get out of popular, turn to the right, and walk straight all the way! its not far at all! just next door!
my brother commented that the kid may grow up thinking that its right to do so-which is not, obviously.
or maybe he had his reasons or whatever, but i do think it is not the best way to deal with it. and in full view of the public,to say the least.
frankly speaking, i never thought id see ppl behave this way here.

and he walked around, carrying that plastic bag, filled with clear yellow liquid.
its okay, for those who do see it, will think its just some drink.
after all, ignorance, is truly bliss~

"give them cake!"

my LATEST obssesion

*click on the above*

could someone get me a book about her? or a copy of the movie?

please?

pretty pretty please?

eureka?

I GOT IT!
GOT IT GOT IT GOT IT!!!

hehe :D

1. to know what an individual's domicile is- especially if you are not sure then you refer to Art 59(1) which is if you want to know if a person is domiciled in UK, for example then we shall have to refer to UK laws governing this area.
2. Art 59(1) is supplemented by Para 9(2) & Para 9(6), Schedule 1, of the Civil Jurisdiction & Judgement Order 2001.
3. Para 9(2) states that an individual is domiciled in UK if: he is resident in the UK & the nature of the circumstances of his residence indicate that he has a substantial connection with the UK. This is presumed to be so, unless contrary is proven.
4. Para 9(6) defines "nature & circumstances of his residence" to mean if he has been resident in the UK for the last 3 months or more.

Art 59(2) is when one wants to determine the domicile of a person in any country other than UK. The foreign country's internal law would be used.

I did remember asking whether it was necessary for us to discuss this, but through further reading i realised that it is important to do so especially if the domicile of the CLAIMANT is unknown or is seen to be abstract.

The courts, in seising jurisdiction, would first look to Art 2 to determine as to which courts would do so. Generally, it is the domicile of the defendant (which in most problem questions would be in any member state outside of the UK). We, in advising the claimant, would have to look to the exceptions to see if the UK courts could seise jurisdiction instead. Utilising Art 3 and looking at the special and exclusive jurisdictions- any of which, if satisfied will bring the proceedings home.

HOWEVER this is only so IF the claimant is DOMICILED in the UK. (since we want the UK courts to seise jurisdiction)

If the claimant fails to be a UK domiciliary, then the UK courts will not be able to seise jurisdiction- if claimant is found to be a German domiciliary and the defendant is a Romanian domiciliary the proceedings would take place in either the German courts or the Romanian court (unless other exceptions apply- notably Arts 22, 23 & 27)

Can anyone please explain Art 59 of the Brussels Convention?

Chapter V
GENERAL PROVISIONS
Art 59

1. In order to determine whether a party is domiciled in the Member state whose courts are seised of a matter, the court shall apply its internal law.
2. If a party is not domiciled in the Member state whose courts are seised of the matter, then, in order to determine whether the party is domiciled in another Member State, the court shall apply the law of that Member State.

I DONT GET IT.

okay lets assume that we have two parties, a Spanish claimant and a German defendant who is staying in England for a while.

• Art 1 (civil & commercial matter) satisfied, so we go to Art 2- to sue in the defendants domicile. So here based on the scenario, we have a German, who is staying in England for a while- is he domiciled in England or Germany?
• If i'm not mistaken, we apply Art 59(1) here where IF the courts that seise the jurisdiction is the German courts, then they will use their own conflict of law rules to determine if he is domiciled in England or Germany.
• But since we are studying English law, we will choose the English court to seise jurisdiction , and determine the claimant's domicile according to English conflict of law rules.

*did i get it right?*
i mean, that is MY understanding of it..if you think i'm really wrong, please correct me!!

okay, with regards to Art 59(2) what i can think of is a situation where the English courts seise jurisdiction but unsure as to what is the domicile of the German defendant.

• SO if the courts SUSPECT that his domicile is Germany, then they will use GERMAN conflict of laws rules to determine his domicile?

do i even need to discuss this? *sob*
really, if you do have a clue, please let me know!

i do hope in 1 week, things will be better.
i do hope that il be fine, and that this was just a scare.

please.
please be okay.

cradlesnatcher

there is this guy that i see at a place where i go to spend "mytime".
so whenever i see him, i get the tingles *eee* i dunno why, he reminds me of a guy i used to like but i think this guy is way much better *swoon* cuz his body is really nice. like really really nice la. and he always comes on specific days, and "so happens" im there also ehehehe..

i dont want to seem desperate, right. so what i do is i totally ignore him when he walks past me.
but when he does, il be chanting
"TALK TO ME TALK TO ME TALK TO ME" in my head.
im trying to spread positive vibes so that he will be somewhat influenced on a subconscious level.
notice how i tell myself a whole bucketful of shit just to make myself happy?

so that tactic tak jadi.
i decided to just hang around awhile.
like, not do anything so it gives him the opportunity to talk to me.

fail.

in the end, i got so... pathetic desperate curious, i decided to ask for help.
i found out his name, and age.
guess what?


he was born in 1990.
that is like 5 years younger.
that is like my brother's age.


OMG.

sorry la, i just cannot la.
but i cant help it!
CUTE!

i forgot what i wanted to say
*blank*

there are 3 people who completes my life. i love you immensely.

placed that on my msn-cuz sometimes i dont get to catch my best friends online, just wanted to let them know how much i appreciate them.

but i feel bad also though because there were two other friends of mine who asked me who i was talking about.

you see, i feel, sometimes its better not to ask-because you do not know what the answer might be. and ironically, those to whom it's intended for will not bother asking because they already know that im referring to them.

however it doesn't mean i dont appreciate my other friendships! i do!
but its just that these 3 people are those who i have known for a long time. and they know EVERYTHING about me.

they are like my family.
and i really cannot imagine life without them. i get through alot of shit because of their support, do you know?

like one who was so patient with me eventhough i acted like a selfish bitch.
like the other who calls me up in the middle of the night and calmed me down when i was crying.
like another who drove all the way to my place to ensure i didnt do anything stupid when i was drunk.

i love you.
i really really really really really really really really do.
i thank my lucky stars for having people like you in my life.
*blessed*

you can hold my hand if you want to

aw kiko :(

your mouth hurts is it?
i dunno how to make the pain go away..

but its okay, kan..ive told you before, no pain, no gain..

i know you love to eat, but i was looking at pictures of us 4 years back and you were so fit then..so use this opportunity to lose weight la :)

but you do look kinda cute now though.

so geeky! :) i just didnt want to tell you, takut nanti you lebih lebih kan?

i promise, when your mouth dont hurt so much, we'll go out again and we'll have a good time just like how we used to..

sayang you long time

*hugs & kisses*

i'll stand very still so you wont have to be afraid of me

after having a considerably crappy day (from now on referred to as bluedays cuz i really really really really dont like blue) i decided enough is enough. no point of me wallowing in my self imposed misery

yes, i am aware that the sky in this painting is orange in colour.

so what i did was i decided to call norm. but first, i did ask him
"hi, how are you? are you busy?"
the sweetheart was not (or so he said) so i decided to give him a call.

"hi! what are you doing?"
"hey, nothing much, just hanging out with my friends, watching football"


FOOTBALL. O_O""


"hah? means you are not free la liddat!"
"nah, im free, im free"

wow. i thought most guys were really into football and cease to function when they are watching a game..
so him actually layan-ing me was really a very touching gesture *hugs*

felt tons better. really. like totally as though this giganourmous cloud was blown away by a very strong gust of wind.

he told me that its normal for everyone to feel the same way i do at one point or another. we are human after all and that we have to step up from whatever it is we are going through. its sound advice, given by one who's been there done that, you know?

eventhough its advice ive heard many times, i think all i really needed was to talk to someone. someone comforting.

and that is why, i feel so much better now.

oh?
just in case you were wondering.
she still has not replied me yet ^^

dear ms FJ

no, im not talking about you.

*paranoid android*

*grin*

she still hasn't replied and its now 1240.
seriously, i have no mood right now.

tickity-tock

dippity doo~~

i think im really paranoid..about everything in general.
nah.

i think im paranoid about things that aren't supposed to be that important. such as not receiving msgs from people that i am close to.

hm. lets see, i havent heard from her in over two weeks, lets just drop a line- "hi, how are you?"

tick
tock
tick
tock
tick
tock
tick
tock
tick
tockticktockticktock
....................................

is she sleeping? perhaps.
but its 1030! she sleep so early meh? no right..
maybe shes busy.
but at 1030 wor!
no credit perhaps?
CANNOT BE...i hope..
shit.
is she angry at me?
WHAT did i do?
...........
i didnt do anything, right? right?...or did i?
cannot be...



OH NO DID I DO SOMETHING TO OFFEND HER?


haih.

i must stop being so needy. and sensitive. and pathetic paranoid.

i suppose im not used to it when i dont get replies immediately. especially from people im close to because id immediatey think they are not speaking to me, or that they dont want to talk to me.

i can imagine those reading this will say
"but if you know you didnt do anything wrong, why then do you feel like this?"

you see, thats why im nuts.

eventhough i know i didnt do anything, id still think that way.

i care alot about how the other person feels. i mean, i try my best not to say or do anything that would hurt the person im talking to, but sometimes its inevitable that a slip of the tongue, or a careless gesture may lead to so many unexpected reactions.

but i think its all in knowing a person well, to know when they are joking or when they really mean what they say.

certain events have led me to think that its not always the case. imagine thinking you know a person so well and suddenly with no compromise, they say or do something or react in a way which totally throws you off balance and make you go "WHAAAAAAAAAAAT?!!"

but really. its exhausting. its exhausting to look at the phone and the only difference in the display is the time. no messages at all. its funny how in music videos when they are trying to show the audience that the lead character has no new messages, a huge ass screen will appear on the phone's display blaring

"YOU HAVE NO NEW MESSAGES"

thank god we dont actually have that. seriously. it would make people like me curl up in a little ball and die.


abit sad, no? its like the phone is taunting you and saying
"HAHA! YOU PATHETIC HUMAN BEING! YOU HAVE NO SOCIAL LIFE! IF I WERE NOT A LIFELESS DIGITAL OBJECT, I THINK I WOULD HAVE DIED OF BOREDOM FROM THE LACK OF ACTIVITY THANKS TO YOUR SOCIAL INEPTNESS!"

i dont think i would love my phone that much anymore.


so do you know how i get over the whole paranoia thing?
im just gonna turn off my phone til i get over it. yes, i know, when i turn it on again to make calls or what not, its going to be obvious if i have messages or not, but at least it'll spare me the agony of having to glance at it every 10 seconds.

somebody, get me a new hobby.

one thing ive learnt:
when i say i wanna take a 15 minute nap, i should stop lying to myself.

was so exhausted, i set my alarm to ring at 5:15 and another backup alarm to ring at 5:20.

when i opened my eyes again, it was 5:45.



and that was when, i, in my groggy state realised..


my phone time is set according to the 24 hours mode. not the AM/PM mode!

hurriedly shut the alarm off, or else id be getting a rude shock tomorrow morning ;p

see.
this is what i mean.

waking up half an hour after the intended time ensures you would be rushing into class half an hour after class starts.

wish i was born under a more punctual star.

GERI HAS TO SLEEP

going for night class is something i don't look forward to at all

Tuesday, February 16 2008-law of attraction

from now on and from this day forward...


i am okay.
i am doing great.
i am attracting positive things into my life.
i will be happy.

Friday, February 22 2008-back to black,literally

i think black is getting to me.
i am slowly amassing really dark colours, mostly black and white outfits cuz they match my new hair colour so well :D

haih.
im not up to wearing chirpy bright colours lately anyway.

Friday, February 22 2008- empty, nothing, *blank*

im trying my very best.im trying so so hard, i dont know if i am supposed to be trying THAT hard to be happy.

anyways.i just took a look at Zbills profile. GELI sial.serious shit, damn damn geli..

ew.

theres this girl talking to him about how he never give her a good night kiss so she's gonna get nightmares..ugh..gross gross..ill get nightmares la tonight, after subjecting my eyes to such lewd PDA. ew.

ew. he's so cheap la, shes not even hot.

then i remembered how girls throw themselves at him, so i checked her profile out.
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWW!
he actually msged her "ko blanja aku mamam laksa" EW come on la, MAMAM? ew!
u knw what she replied?! ew!
"ku tolong mamam jak"


EW URGH YUCK PTOOIEEEE..............!!
INCREDIBLE SALAHNESS MAN


dunno la, hes so amusing sometimes i dunno whether i should laugh or cry.

anyways. after close to two weeks, he decided to msg me asking me out for a movie on monday. and i only replied 9 hours later hehe.
stupid la he, i dunno why im so nice to even bother replying, but all i said was "where, thought you got class on monday"

bloody fucker nvr replied.
so okay la, screw you.

(hm, already have, so lets see if i can use a better profanity)

piece of shit, i hope you get raped one day. hee...evil sial.

(i realised that me saying "eew" can be pretty annoying, but you see, ive got no other words to describe such disgust. *smiles*)

Wednesday,February 13 2008- valentines

today the brother told me i looked like i could kill someone. its the hair i suppose. or the dark blue sweater i had on. or the "dont-fuck-with-me" look i had on. or maybe its a combination of all the above.

either way, its 2 hours to valentines and funny though it has no impact on me whatsoever because i wasn't even aware that its the 13th today!


ah, well. being single and so totally unattached means that there will be
1. no flowers (hah, like i got any from my practical ex-bf "why should i buy you something that will not last anyway?")
2. no chocolate or candy (which is good since i have a slight aversion to all things sweet lately)
3. no lovey dovey text (which for all you know had been forwarded to half the girls in the phonebook)
4. no wet kisses to look forward to (i enjoy it only when the guy has got some real skills. otherwise id just sit there with my mouth wide open)
5. no "nudge-nudge-wink-wink" moments (just not in the mood, baby)

im gonna spend it with the one person i love.
with myself.

i had pondered over whether or not id subject a person i love to the kind of pain ive subjected to myself. and the answer was a resounding NO.

imagine a person i love very much. (sam, min)
imagine me forcing either one of them to call a person who obviously does not want to be with them.
imagine me talking and making them think about things that evidently brings them pain and sorrow.
imagine me making them stay in bed the whole day because "they have to wait for a message that MIGHT come"
imagine me giving them drinks to drown their sorrow in when they are down.
imagine me telling them "please, skip class because you are depressed"
imagine me encouraging them to consider taking pills to cure the heartache.

i cant.
i cant do those things to them, because it will break me. i cannot bear to think about even doing those things to them. why is that so? because i care about them immensely, and i love them from the bottom of my heart.

so how about me?
do i care about myself the way i care about them?



obviously i dont.

so i will take time out to fix this broken relationship that i have with myself.
because if i dont love myself and if i do not realise and understand my self worth- no one will.

Monday, January 7 2008-what i take into bed with me instead of choc-chip cookies

you see during my forced hiatus, ive actually written a couple of stuff as there were a couple of things happening in my life since i shut down my blog.
mostly its changes that ive undergone, and i feel that i am strong enough to show it here.

ive decided that im going to try to be more honest about the way i see things, and not be too judgemental. but i think in doing so, i may in turn inadvertently step on a couple of toes, and for that i would like to apologize in advance.

i miss my oneorangecow! :)

me is not caring no more

i thought about it and i figured..
fuck it, im just gonna blog on this site..
yay!
welcome me back!