tickity-tock

dippity doo~~

i think im really paranoid..about everything in general.
nah.

i think im paranoid about things that aren't supposed to be that important. such as not receiving msgs from people that i am close to.

hm. lets see, i havent heard from her in over two weeks, lets just drop a line- "hi, how are you?"

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....................................

is she sleeping? perhaps.
but its 1030! she sleep so early meh? no right..
maybe shes busy.
but at 1030 wor!
no credit perhaps?
CANNOT BE...i hope..
shit.
is she angry at me?
WHAT did i do?
...........
i didnt do anything, right? right?...or did i?
cannot be...



OH NO DID I DO SOMETHING TO OFFEND HER?


haih.

i must stop being so needy. and sensitive. and pathetic paranoid.

i suppose im not used to it when i dont get replies immediately. especially from people im close to because id immediatey think they are not speaking to me, or that they dont want to talk to me.

i can imagine those reading this will say
"but if you know you didnt do anything wrong, why then do you feel like this?"

you see, thats why im nuts.

eventhough i know i didnt do anything, id still think that way.

i care alot about how the other person feels. i mean, i try my best not to say or do anything that would hurt the person im talking to, but sometimes its inevitable that a slip of the tongue, or a careless gesture may lead to so many unexpected reactions.

but i think its all in knowing a person well, to know when they are joking or when they really mean what they say.

certain events have led me to think that its not always the case. imagine thinking you know a person so well and suddenly with no compromise, they say or do something or react in a way which totally throws you off balance and make you go "WHAAAAAAAAAAAT?!!"

but really. its exhausting. its exhausting to look at the phone and the only difference in the display is the time. no messages at all. its funny how in music videos when they are trying to show the audience that the lead character has no new messages, a huge ass screen will appear on the phone's display blaring

"YOU HAVE NO NEW MESSAGES"

thank god we dont actually have that. seriously. it would make people like me curl up in a little ball and die.


abit sad, no? its like the phone is taunting you and saying
"HAHA! YOU PATHETIC HUMAN BEING! YOU HAVE NO SOCIAL LIFE! IF I WERE NOT A LIFELESS DIGITAL OBJECT, I THINK I WOULD HAVE DIED OF BOREDOM FROM THE LACK OF ACTIVITY THANKS TO YOUR SOCIAL INEPTNESS!"

i dont think i would love my phone that much anymore.


so do you know how i get over the whole paranoia thing?
im just gonna turn off my phone til i get over it. yes, i know, when i turn it on again to make calls or what not, its going to be obvious if i have messages or not, but at least it'll spare me the agony of having to glance at it every 10 seconds.

somebody, get me a new hobby.