clutching at straws

when you open a dictionary

and look for the word "PATIENT"

you will NOT see my pic there

if you look for "TRYING TO BE PATIENT"

my picture will take up the whole freaking page

lol

wuts wrong

banyaknya metaphore

im trying to be patient you know

trying to be

that day he said he will msg me after he buka puasa

omg i waited from 7 til 930

cannot tahan, i called and called

he got pissed

and then ?

he asked me

"why you tak sabar sabar wan!"

"when i said ill msg you, i will"

then juz let him be la 

do u realize that u might be suffocating him ?

yes

i know

even an onlooker like me could notice

so thats why

i am trying to be patient

you know

i cant be blamed for acting all paranoid when he does certain things

sigh

most of all, i know how it feels like to be irritated with a friend

i really know how that feels like and i hate it

then try harder la 

i know how irritating that could be as well 

you know what

i will just not msg him

just let it be for a few days

im scared, k. thats why

i told u to do that , did i not

yes

and i did!

sometimes the more u try to cling on 

the more it drifts

so its better to let nature takes its course

most of what i do, its out of fear

its no excuse, i know

u know 

im thinking 

what ur going through

might be more of an infatuation then the actual thing 

if u know what i mean 

yeah

im just waiting for that one moment where this would turn off

you know

il do a complete 180

yes i know 

once a girl changes , theres no turning back 

i know that all too well 

so i am waiting for that

but as long as i know there is a slight possibility of it going my way, i wont

wouldnt that be self deceiving ?

at ur current rate

u won't be able to differentiate what is going your way or not 

deep down i know im lying to myself

then again, so is he

everytime he does something positive , it would be deemed as going ur way 

when would it end ?

it wont end, i fear.

i see myself clutching onto a ledge with bloody fingernails, screaming out in pain 

"make this work, dammit!"

its even come to a point where im so scared to discuss this with anyone.

i know i may end up annoying everyone.

so i keep it all inside, and grow miserable, day by day.