choose to be alone?

sometimes i feel really really left out of a lot of things.

when there are events, or gatherings, or even simple things like lunches or dinners, to know about all these AND not be invited to them.

so sometimes, i wonder, why bother, seriously?

do i really wanna join these ppl and be part of the whole group? sometimes, i do.

i mean no man is an island, after all so isn't that what im supposed to do? go out and socialize?

how is it possible that a person is part of a group, and at the same time be left out of it completely?

im not used to this culture because for a huge chunk of my life i've always believed that when a bunch of people hang out as a group, they should naturally do things together.

for when a person is not invited, it just means they are not wanted.

its bad enough that i feel terribly awkward and shy most of the time. top it off with the fact that i don't speak a word of cantonese.

im not going to be a prima donna and DEMAND that they speak to me in a language i can understand. 

all i ask for is to make me feel like at least, i belong.

i've been told that i have to find some other ppl other than this group to belong to.

yes, and that this is temporary.

but until the temporary period ends, its all i have now.

so perhaps from now on, i'll just be a bit more distant.

go and do my own thing.

you cant feel left out, when you're hanging out by yourself now can you?