moving on

if i don't get it, then its fine.

most of the time when you are enjoying yourself, know that its best to leave when its still good. retain good memories of a person or a place.

most importantly, remember to remember that memories are limited edition souvenirs of the past.
if you are lucky, you'll have new good memories so similar to the old ones.
if not, don't be too upset about it.

events occur due to a composition of time, place and people.

even that in itself consists of many varying factors.
so take away good memories and keep them as they are, with no further expectation that things will be the same again.

so back to where i started.
if i don't get it, then it is fine.
il always think of the days when i had lots of fun. and might inadvertently expect it to be as it was before.

ive come to terms with it.

diary entry

dear...diary?

i woke up reluctantly after pressing the snooze button for what seems to be the umpteenth time when i suddenly realised that i was going to be so so late if i dont get my ass out of bed.
i had something to look forward to after class, a reward of sorts, one might say.

upon arriving in class, i was late, as usual. but im lucky because i didnt realy miss all that much. i quite enjoy probate. ive had someone ask me in disbelief before "probate? its so boring!"
no offence sir but i enjoy it thoroughly and if you take me as your pupil, ill handle all the probate cases that come your way.

sitting in class, i catch glimpses of what seems to be compressed notes. and i get worried. should i do that too? im quite unsure (and its a very wrong time to be unsure) because whenever i do mini notes, i dont get to finish everything on time. i dont know if i should be practicing questions or doing notes!
do i feel this way only because i see that it is what the others are doing?
or i should have more faith in my techniques and go for what works best for me?

felt sleepy in class, i really cant handle not having 8 hours of sleep.

but all the time, i told myself to be patient because ill be having lunch with the one person who makes me smile and feel all buttery inside lately. and because he has promised that he will be very good to me.

sigh. my rugby boy.
how i love you.

sometimes, things dont go as you plan it.
but its all in the way we deal with it, i suppose.

"tah pape la budak ni"

tee hee.
i was SO in the mood for some teasin' so i decided to send a text
"hi...could you do me a favour? be more romantic, can?..."
no reply.
cika.
so potong tau sayang.

*SNIP*

*snipsnipsnip* away at all that bugs me. be it people, or things.
*snipsnipsnip* away at careless words uttered or actions designed to hurt.

to those of you who know me, know very well that i seem to find drama no matter where i go and no matter what i do. so im like this huge giant canvas just waiting to be painted as each day goes by.

anger- dash of red.
sadness- splashes of dark blue.
depression- slate.
happiness- orange.
contentment- yellow.
books- beige.
love- pink.
passion- fushia.
kiko- brown.
law- honeybee.
sam- burgundy.
college- off white.

often recently that canvas has been falling short of what it can be. certain areas became so ugly! tainted with some godforsaken colour so ugly, that it doesn't deserve a name.

so what i was trying to do was to paint over these areas with my own brand of colour. yellow, red, orange. but as every amateur artist would know, these light colours dont cover up ugly colours all that well as they should.

so i, decided for the very first time in for heaven only knows how long..to rip that part of the canvas away.
to cut it, draw a sharp blade through, anything as long as it is no longer part of this canvas that is my life.
sure, it ain't perfect what with all the jagged edges and uneven corners.
but at least its free from all that makes it ugly.