oneorangecow

reminder #854

2009-11-05T23:10:00.001+08:00

there is ALWAYS a reason for everything.

diamonds in her back

2009-11-04T22:27:00.001+08:00

“i remember, my earliest memory of her was noticing how so very beautiful she is, and i remembered wanting to be like her. i wanted to be as calm and as poised as she is”

“she was never alone, for she was his constant companion. their relationship puzzled me at times, for it did not seem like he was her master, and, she, his servant as sometimes i would see him gaze at her with a look of satisfaction on his face”

“there have been times when i’ll peep through the ajar door and see him on lounging on the bed, staring at her while she was enveloped in a sheer robe. sometimes i see her standing, not facing him as he caresses her back gently. he must love her, i think.”

“my master has never been a person who frightened me, but maybe its because i'm a little girl.”

“he is always surrounded by big, big men. she looked so small and delicate by his side. the big big men seem to fear him, and from what i see, my master was their master too.”

“one day, i could feel a change in the air. like something was not right”

“her calm dignity never wavered. she was as poised as the first time i remember seeing her”

“i don’t see him anywhere, surrounded by the big big men. i wonder where they all went”

“master is in trouble. i must do what i can.”

“i run through the mansion. i see strangers everywhere, but they pay no notice to me”

“i enter a room behind a hidden door, where master goes when he needs some time alone”

“i see her, with the same calm look on her beautiful face.”

“without a word, she unbuttons her shirt".”

“curious, i stared”

“she turns around, shielding my innocent eyes of her bare chest”

“even in her simple action, she captivates me”

“what i saw,was etched into me as though from a burning hot brand”

“set in her back, were 5-6 huge diamonds of various colours.”

“she had diamonds in her back”

“my master disfigured her so that he could hide his diamonds”

“i looked at her back once more, and she was bleeding”

“take them, and go.”

“no, i dont know what to do”

“i cannot be responsible for them anymore. he has turned me into a vessel, but i am decaying inside”

“what did master do to you?why?”

“to protect himself from his enemies. if i carry them with me, as they are part of me, it will go undetected”

“but..he cut holes in you…the diamonds are where your flesh should be”

“i am the only one he trusts”

“what has he done to you, look you’re bleeding”

“again she pleaded with me to take those wretched diamonds and save myself while i can”

“i cant leave my golden haired angel behind.”

“i’ll find help, no matter what, you must make it”

“the next thing i know, i was on the floor. someone has struck me on the head”

“through blurry eyes, i see her on the floor, lying in a pool of her own blood”

“i see green ballet flats, but i do not see the owner”

“i see someone ripping out the diamonds, handling them carefully, with no regard to the vessel”

“even in death, she is calm”

“my very last memory of her is that she no longer has those diamonds in her back”

“and my very last memory was thinking how i will grow up to be the person she is, until i heard a loud noise and a pain in my chest”

“as i fade into unconsciousness, i know i will see her again. when she is whole once more”

its not intentional..

2009-11-03T22:07:00.001+08:00

it is not that i hate my job or dread going to work.
i just forgot how difficult it was to be where i am now, and the 600-odd crowd who didnt make it would kill to be where i am now.

2009-08-11T12:10:00.001+08:00

help me.
i really really need help.from somebody, anybody? please.

help me. help me help me.
please.

jobro ohno

2009-08-05T14:09:00.001+08:00

I have been watching J.O.N.A.S and I am definitely going to buy their cd.
They are such a funny bunch of guys!

the aftermath

2009-08-05T11:36:00.004+08:00

So its day two and thankfully I've stopped the steady stream of tears.
It all boils down to communication-either you have it or you don't.

I know there are some who are supportive of everything I do, and I'm so grateful because they are there to see the high and lows of what I go through.

Being a true friend means having to accept that the person you give advice to will screw up occasionally. And being a true friend means being happy when your friend is happy and being supportive when your friend is sad.

So as I am going through this moment in life, I do see who my real friends are.

And somehow, the best friend that i no longer am best friends with isn't the one whom I thought it would be.

I'll never forget,at the time i needed help the most

"Who did you break up with? The same guy? You know what I'm going to say. If you don't want harsh advice, I'm not the person you should be talking to."

Its okay. Its okay if you feel that way because in that text alone, was enough to make me feel lost even more.

I want the real me back. that is the reason for all this, because i forgot about me. I placed so much emphasis on a person in my life that I no longer have an independent identity.

i remember watching an episode of The City, where Diane Von Furstenberg told Whitney Port

"The most important relationship you will ever have in life, is the relationship you have with yourself"

Who knew something could come out of a show that is really based on..nothing?

I told him all that I had to say. Everything. Even conversion. And about how I'll live my day today, and worry about tomorrow, tomorrow. About how God does things for a reason and that's why I was committed to the relationship because I always believe there is a reason for it. Basically told him everything that I never told him before.

So I'm not crying anymore. because I'm done crying. Enough. Today, I have to in my own way, move on and start doing my own thing because I've neglected me for way too long already.

cry blood

2009-08-04T17:20:00.000+08:00

i cant believe its not going to last.
it finally arrived.

after 15 unreplied texts

2009-08-04T11:16:00.003+08:00

how can a person give so much love to another and in return, receive only pain.
isnt it only right to be loved equally in return?

of course i love unconditionally and i dont regret it. but it hurts so so much when there isnt any certainty as to whether things have ended or not or any form of closure as to the reason why.

despite the pain, i feel blessed to know i am capable of loving a person with such intensity. something i never felt before.

i only wish and hope its not entirely over.
such a shame to let such love go to waste.

slipping under the radar

2009-08-04T10:42:00.000+08:00

ive deactivated my fb profile today.
its much too painful.

compensation

2009-08-03T12:37:00.001+08:00

is the prada lg enough to soothe me from the daily frustrations i face each day?

2009-08-03T11:23:00.000+08:00

i fucking hate it when someone else drives my car without my permisson.

moving on

2009-04-12T21:13:00.003+08:00

if i don't get it, then its fine.

most of the time when you are enjoying yourself, know that its best to leave when its still good. retain good memories of a person or a place.

most importantly, remember to remember that memories are limited edition souvenirs of the past.
if you are lucky, you'll have new good memories so similar to the old ones.
if not, don't be too upset about it.

events occur due to a composition of time, place and people.

even that in itself consists of many varying factors.
so take away good memories and keep them as they are, with no further expectation that things will be the same again.

so back to where i started.
if i don't get it, then it is fine.
il always think of the days when i had lots of fun. and might inadvertently expect it to be as it was before.

ive come to terms with it.

diary entry

2009-04-12T20:54:00.002+08:00

dear...diary?

i woke up reluctantly after pressing the snooze button for what seems to be the umpteenth time when i suddenly realised that i was going to be so so late if i dont get my ass out of bed.
i had something to look forward to after class, a reward of sorts, one might say.

upon arriving in class, i was late, as usual. but im lucky because i didnt realy miss all that much. i quite enjoy probate. ive had someone ask me in disbelief before "probate? its so boring!"
no offence sir but i enjoy it thoroughly and if you take me as your pupil, ill handle all the probate cases that come your way.

sitting in class, i catch glimpses of what seems to be compressed notes. and i get worried. should i do that too? im quite unsure (and its a very wrong time to be unsure) because whenever i do mini notes, i dont get to finish everything on time. i dont know if i should be practicing questions or doing notes!
do i feel this way only because i see that it is what the others are doing?
or i should have more faith in my techniques and go for what works best for me?

felt sleepy in class, i really cant handle not having 8 hours of sleep.

but all the time, i told myself to be patient because ill be having lunch with the one person who makes me smile and feel all buttery inside lately. and because he has promised that he will be very good to me.

sigh. my rugby boy.
how i love you.

sometimes, things dont go as you plan it.
but its all in the way we deal with it, i suppose.

"tah pape la budak ni"

2009-04-09T15:45:00.003+08:00

tee hee.
i was SO in the mood for some teasin' so i decided to send a text
"hi...could you do me a favour? be more romantic, can?..."
no reply.
cika.
so potong tau sayang.

SNIP

2009-04-09T15:26:00.002+08:00

*snipsnipsnip* away at all that bugs me. be it people, or things.
*snipsnipsnip* away at careless words uttered or actions designed to hurt.

to those of you who know me, know very well that i seem to find drama no matter where i go and no matter what i do. so im like this huge giant canvas just waiting to be painted as each day goes by.

anger- dash of red.
sadness- splashes of dark blue.
depression- slate.
happiness- orange.
contentment- yellow.
books- beige.
love- pink.
passion- fushia.
kiko- brown.
law- honeybee.
sam- burgundy.
college- off white.

often recently that canvas has been falling short of what it can be. certain areas became so ugly! tainted with some godforsaken colour so ugly, that it doesn't deserve a name.

so what i was trying to do was to paint over these areas with my own brand of colour. yellow, red, orange. but as every amateur artist would know, these light colours dont cover up ugly colours all that well as they should.

so i, decided for the very first time in for heaven only knows how long..to rip that part of the canvas away.
to cut it, draw a sharp blade through, anything as long as it is no longer part of this canvas that is my life.
sure, it ain't perfect what with all the jagged edges and uneven corners.
but at least its free from all that makes it ugly.

OUCH

2009-03-18T12:39:00.002+08:00

i have an ulcer in the left side of my throat.

HURTS WORSE THAN A BROKEN HEART

my house is noisy

2009-03-18T12:23:00.002+08:00

today my mom hired a part time cleaning lady *hallelujah*

so she will be around 3 times a week to do the basic cleaning :) hmm. how nice this feels. to know that our dust and dirt played an important role in providing a job for a person. *sighs gleefully*

lately the house has been swarming with people. ALOT of people. and i feel kinda stuck in my room because there are people in the living room, in the kitchen.

i never knew the house could fit so many people.

in addition to guys in my kitchen. the cleaning lady brought her two kids with her today.

how nice it is to see young kids sitting quietly on the couch, watching disney channel.

its just like in my romance novels. the main hero has a huge house and slowly it gets invaded with visitors. the master of the house will retire to his study and occasionally will open his door to the sound of people walking around or kids running or stuff like that.

in my case, its waking up to House of Mouse.

boberry and min!

2009-03-18T00:19:00.004+08:00

Dear min,

i thought you were mad at me.

and i thought that perhaps, i've lost one of my best friends.

it made me really upset.

for a moment there, i thought maybe, just maybe, it was for the best?

i kinda dread seeing you when you come home because i know that a sound scolding from you is inevitable.

for all the silly nonsensical things i do.

for choosing to do the exact opposite of what you think i should do.

perhaps even at times when you are disgusted by the things i confide in you, it still doesn't matter because, what the heck.

we're best friends.

once we get pass that chiding, then its down to the good stuff.

the naughty stuff.

the silly stuff.

the serious stuff.

so when i thought that was all gone, i just accepted it, defeated.

maybe we are suppose to have only ONE best friend.

but today however, you told me.

"i can never imagine not having you as a best friend, boberry"

see? you can have more than one best friend.

even if you make me cry because of the things you say-i know its tough love coming from you.

see min?

you're making me cry now.

i forgot to tell you just now.

i feel the same way.

Love you,

boberry

i feel like a tiny mushroom

2009-03-17T23:22:00.002+08:00

when i hear or see the results of other people's hard work.

not feeling envious or anything but hearing and seeing what they can do just makes me feel so so tiny.

i found out over dinner, a friend of mine had done 6 subjects for STPM.

SIX.

but you know something?

you can only take a maximum of 5 papers.

i did 4 only okay!

his cgpa? 3.93.

(max is 4.00)

erm.

don't bother asking me about my cgpa la ok.

i'm not THAT hardworking.

another thing that makes me feel so small is seeing some of my fellow classmates with their compressed notes.

i see them flipping through their own notes and i feel incredibly nervous. cuz in order to do short notes, you have to have already read that particular area at least twice.

i see my competition right before my very own eyes.

even some of those people who make so much noise in class are apparently going to study at the library before evening class for 6 hours.

there are a group of people that i know who goes to a library to study, every day.

feeling incredibly tiny now.

racist

2009-03-17T01:37:00.003+08:00

tee hee

a friend of mine told me a couple of racist jokes.

not knowing i am dating someone from the race which he made fun of.

what to do.

il sit there and let him have his day.

for im sure, him, being a big, strong macho man.

would be able to handle any racist joke which makes as much fun of his race.

we are but mere children. even so, children learn and grow up, but some people, never do.

choose to be alone?

2009-03-17T00:35:00.002+08:00

sometimes i feel really really left out of a lot of things.

when there are events, or gatherings, or even simple things like lunches or dinners, to know about all these AND not be invited to them.

so sometimes, i wonder, why bother, seriously?

do i really wanna join these ppl and be part of the whole group? sometimes, i do.

i mean no man is an island, after all so isn't that what im supposed to do? go out and socialize?

how is it possible that a person is part of a group, and at the same time be left out of it completely?

im not used to this culture because for a huge chunk of my life i've always believed that when a bunch of people hang out as a group, they should naturally do things together.

for when a person is not invited, it just means they are not wanted.

its bad enough that i feel terribly awkward and shy most of the time. top it off with the fact that i don't speak a word of cantonese.

im not going to be a prima donna and DEMAND that they speak to me in a language i can understand.

all i ask for is to make me feel like at least, i belong.

i've been told that i have to find some other ppl other than this group to belong to.

yes, and that this is temporary.

but until the temporary period ends, its all i have now.

so perhaps from now on, i'll just be a bit more distant.

go and do my own thing.

you cant feel left out, when you're hanging out by yourself now can you?

rockster

2009-03-17T00:12:00.000+08:00

why, daron, im very flattered.

thank you :)

new layout!

2009-03-15T23:45:00.003+08:00

hehe

i oft change the way i do things. hence the change in the blog layout.

usually id do my own design but *hmph* whatever la ya.

got myself a new haircut which i managed to sustain for hmm lets see, 2 days?

hehe.

i love hairstyles that let me look differently as and when i want to.

since im uber broke i decided to cut it myself.

realising that i do not have a pair of sharp scissors at hand i decided to grab a blunt pair that was lying on my table and *snip*

like i said.

change is good. sometimes :)

2009-02-04T00:50:00.002+08:00

i want to believe in the goodness of people.

that deep down in each soul no one wants to make another person unhappy

sometimes i dont understand what im supposed to do. ive always been taught to give and give and expect nothing in return, so that way your gift will be sincere and worth so much more.

so i expect nothing.

i give whole heartedly and i give and give and i do it with a smile on my face and i continue giving some more but for what?

i dont expect much.

all that i need is something that makes all that giving worthwhile in the end.

gratitude.

that which makes all the damn difference between making me feel like ive been used or making me feel appreciated.

me love you long time

2008-12-28T00:25:00.001+08:00

annoying la. stop smiling.

2008-12-27T22:53:00.002+08:00

bloody hell.

suffocating la, cannot tahan dy.

i wish there was something i can do to get rid of that annoying thing i see every time the page loads.

fuck.

yes its all in my mind. so i have to stop thinking about it?

fuck la.

if it was that easy, i wouldn't be writing this down now wouldn't i.

I WANT IT

2008-12-15T18:57:00.004+08:00

i can envision it so clearly in my mind.
i want it, and i want it now.

i want us to be happy and i want us to enjoy every minute of every moment together.
hold hands as we walk through a rocky road.
feed me a piece of curly fry while we're waiting for our order at the counter.
meet me after class for dinner.
surprise me with a weekend getaway.
send me a text in the middle of the night asking me whether im asleep or not.
message me on facebook telling me "i miss you"
take a long drive through the streets of kl in the early morning.
keep my hands warm as he drives.
coaxing me to finish my food.
playfully arguing about what movie to see.
sharing a plate of meatballs.
finding out that he has been talking about me to his friends.
giving me advice when im all messed up.

i want it. i want all the things that has been done and is yet to be done. i want all things good and happy to come out from this relationship. because i know, deep down with the strongest kind of conviction that everything will be alright. im going through the motions, and i will get what i want.

i will. i will i will i will. you cannot help who you fall for. its this magnetic sense that just draws me to him. even if he and i are totally on different ends sometimes but it just works. no matter what happens and no matter what people say (eventhough i understand that its cuz everyone cares deeply for me and i appreciate it so so much- my greatest wishes are for you) , I KNOW that its all a matter of time before i get what i want.

i want it. and nothing, or no one can ever ever take this away from me. because i want it. I WANT IT. i deserve to be happy, so therefore i will be happy.

dreams

2008-12-13T21:47:00.004+08:00

i read somewhere that when we dream, its a culmination of our hopes, our fears.

it's a reflection of what we think of constantly and those which we keep hidden deep beneath.

is it possible to fall into a dreamless slumber?

i've been getting disturbing dreams lately.

maybe its because i cry so much and constantly have dark depressing thoughts surrounding me.

it even came to a point where i wanted to take meds just so that i can sleep.

you see, desperate times, desperate measures.

medicine is not the only drug that can make you sleep.

i usually wake up after few hours of sleep to the sun shining brightly into my room with a tear-streaked face.

there was even a time where i refused to sleep when i was so exhausted in the afternoon because i wanted to save my sleep for the night.

i cant be up during the night.

too quiet, too dark, too lonely.

drives me crazy.

i hope that soon, i'll be able to wake up from this nightmare.

that continues even as i am awake.

no more

2008-10-24T14:42:00.002+08:00

ive had enough drama. enough enough.

kenot tahan already.

thank god and all the angels and everything that is good for the support i have. seriously.

i know, its as if i never learn. but you cant help who you fall for.

so im going to leave it all to time now. because that is all i can do now and that is all i need to help my sanity and my situation.

you are an expensive baby

2008-09-19T13:29:00.004+08:00

at least that was what my mom said to me this morning as we left the eye hospital.

among my many flaws, bad eyesight is one of them for without any visual aid im frankly no better off than a blind person on the street. as a result, my glasses tend to be pricey because of the lenses, and not the frame. just for the lenses alone was 600 ringgit. mahal sial.

that is the price i have to pay for not taking care of my eyes properly. but really, when someone says please take care of your eyes, what do they really mean? perhaps my high power is due to the fact that when i read, i read incessantly, causing a great strain to my eyes. and i love love love to play computer games (yes, im a huge geek) so yess, in the end the left eye is in the 800s and the right is in the 900s. i was told that if a person has eye power of 1000, he/she would be considered legally blind in the US.

woah. im almost blind man. scary.

somebody, anybody... kind enough to sponsor a LASIK procedure?

malaysian squatters association

2008-09-18T20:31:00.014+08:00

to ppl like ahmad ismail, and those who think just like him-

too fucking bad. we are here to stay.

you can call us all the names you want. heck, i'll even provide a thesaurus when you run out of words. as a matter of fact, to be a squatter is an international thing, dont you know?

the international squatters symbol as sourced from Wikipedia

sometimes ppl forget their origins, and where they came from.

you wanna go way back and discuss about historical origins?

then the orang asli and the original bumiputeras who have been reduced to a mere "lain-lain" in all prerequisite forms should be given high supremacy.

what the hell. you wanna close all the kelabits, lotus, orang sungais, ibans, penans, kedayans, selakos, bidayuhs, melanaus, dusuns, kadazans, muruts, bisayas, orang aslis and so many more into LAIN-LAIN? they should be the one throwing a pussy fit.

eventhough sometimes i myself cant stand certain chinese people, i am after all 50% chinese. so here i am, for once to back up the race that makes up half of what i am. what pisses me off entirely is that we are blamed because we happen to be doing better than others. you think so easy is it, to be at a huge disadvantage, to claw your way onwards and upwards?
its called HARDWORK. have you seen how these chinese parents make their kids go to endless tuitions and supplemental classes like piano, violin, ballet, etc... the whole quota system works against us for heavens sake, but to those people who think along the same lines of ahmad ismail, its as though whatever we have worked hard to achieve just fell out of the sky. if that was so easy, then there should not be this problem of the chinese playing an important part of the economy since if good things can fall from the sky then everyone who happens to be standing outside on a good bountiful day would be able to get these things too as they drop so easily innit.

dont la blame the chinese for the problems that arises, k. come on, we must have done something good for you guys, right or not? if there were no relations whatsoever with the Ming dynasty, how the hell do you think small itsy bitsy weeny malacca survived against potential attacks from Siam and Majapahit huh? it cannot be because the troops from those two places passed by one day and found malacca so adorable and small and went "awwwwwww.................so cuteeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee..............lets leave it alone"
you wanna state facs, state them in its entirety. If not for the protection of Ming, malacca will not and never could be developed into a major hub on that stupid trade route we all had to study during our secondary school years okay.

so please stop all these squatter nonsense, really.

i have friends from all different races, as a matter of fact ive got best friends from each one of the major races. i dont see the point in even differentiating one from another because of who they happen to believe in and what color their skin happens to be. WHATEVER la really.

having racist leaders which are so abundant at the moment, just makes things worse for the country. for all you know, ppl my age dont give a bloody fuck, so dont go around creating shit out of thin air.

Dear Yee Meng

2008-09-18T20:31:00.008+08:00

i'm so glad we found each other again

boom

2008-09-18T20:31:00.005+08:00

help me seriously.

i think the air in bkk is just super teruk, it wrecked havoc on my skin!

its no secret that ive been struggling with my skin condition, but lately its getting better in the sense that its not so red and angry looking anymore..ive got loads of whiteheads but those will clear out in due time (or so ive been told) however, today the right side of my face is entirely swollen, and looks so red and inflammed!

and im starting classes this saturday, how unlucky is that, seriously.

i never had acne on my cheeks not until i started college. and god knows the amount of money ive spent on tryng to improve my skin condition.

it really affects my self esteem, and ive become obssesed with trying to have flawless skin. i dont care if i do get the occasional pimple, but please, all this flareups on my cheeks are so glaringly obvious. but frankly, what else can i do? ive done almost everything short of lasers and microdermabrasions.ive tried clinique, ive taken antibiotics, ive done almost everything! and im tired of it, really.

someone recommended cellnique to me, and i think out of desperation il just go ahead and try it next month when im flush again. in the meantime though, i hope my acne will subside, cuz there is nothing more embarrassing than to be a 23 year old with such unflawless skin.

go away if you're looking for something happy to read

2008-09-18T20:31:00.002+08:00

its so weirdlah.

you see, when i got back from bkk, i told myself if i dont hear from him that monday night THATS IT we are SO over.

so since ive been pretty "lucky" in the matters of the heart, needless to say that my phone was really silent that night.

feeling majorly depressed, the shoutouts on my MSN and FB reflected the same.

and the irony of all ironies, guess who was the one who checked on me to see if i was alright?

my ex's new sweetheart.

take a cold dagger and thrust it through my already broken heart already now wouldya.

dont get me wrong, i have nothing against her, and im happy they are head over heels in love with each other..

its just that i can't stand the thought of happiness at the moment.

not when i am so unbearably sad.

sick cycle carousel

2008-09-09T23:31:00.003+08:00

its just the same old shit.

i dont hear from him, and im beyond trying to be patient.

i get upset, which results in me making frantic calls.

and when my calls go unanswered, i cry and i cry and i think of the worst things ever.

he's lost interest.

he's found someone new.

he's trying to be kind to me by making me move on first.

then i cry and cry and cry.

i get chest pains and my eyes are sore.

then i finally hear from him.

its either an admonishment for being impatient.

a brief "hey, im sorry, was busy"

and my tears dry up instantly.

its the power ive inadvertently allowed him to have over me.

its the same old shit.

rinse and repeat.

a romantic, but an utterly hopeless one

2008-09-09T22:09:00.003+08:00

8th September 2008

2233

Hi, busy?

2259

*calls go unanswered*

2308

*calls go unanswered*

2336

:) sleeping, driving, busy,no credit? :p i so wanna talk to you! Didn't think you would be asleep by now cuz i msg you around the same time yesterday :) i got lost in kl today ;p so typical of me, i took three wrong turns, missed a couple of junctions hahahaha :) eh msg me k? Its difficult not hearing from you, and i know ur busy lately but im not asking for much, please? dont leave me out, it scares me... take care, goodnight :) lol. Its 9 months already omg if you know what im talking about lol :)

9th September 2008

0008

Sorry. busy for assignment due tomorrow.

0105

Can i ask you a simple question?

0105

What is it?

0107

Do you miss me very much?

0107

I do miss you.

0110

Me too. Don't sleep so late dearest. You got to get up early, isn't it.. I'm going to bed now :) nite

0111

I try. Nite. :)

clutching at straws

2008-09-08T21:44:00.004+08:00

when you open a dictionary

and look for the word "PATIENT"

you will NOT see my pic there

if you look for "TRYING TO BE PATIENT"

my picture will take up the whole freaking page

lol

wuts wrong

banyaknya metaphore

im trying to be patient you know

trying to be

that day he said he will msg me after he buka puasa

omg i waited from 7 til 930

cannot tahan, i called and called

he got pissed

and then ?

he asked me

"why you tak sabar sabar wan!"

"when i said ill msg you, i will"

then juz let him be la

do u realize that u might be suffocating him ?

yes

i know

even an onlooker like me could notice

so thats why

i am trying to be patient

you know

i cant be blamed for acting all paranoid when he does certain things

sigh

most of all, i know how it feels like to be irritated with a friend

i really know how that feels like and i hate it

then try harder la

i know how irritating that could be as well

you know what

i will just not msg him

just let it be for a few days

im scared, k. thats why

i told u to do that , did i not

yes

and i did!

sometimes the more u try to cling on

the more it drifts

so its better to let nature takes its course

most of what i do, its out of fear

its no excuse, i know

u know

im thinking

what ur going through

might be more of an infatuation then the actual thing

if u know what i mean

yeah

im just waiting for that one moment where this would turn off

you know

il do a complete 180

yes i know

once a girl changes , theres no turning back

i know that all too well

so i am waiting for that

but as long as i know there is a slight possibility of it going my way, i wont

wouldnt that be self deceiving ?

at ur current rate

u won't be able to differentiate what is going your way or not

deep down i know im lying to myself

then again, so is he

everytime he does something positive , it would be deemed as going ur way

when would it end ?

it wont end, i fear.

i see myself clutching onto a ledge with bloody fingernails, screaming out in pain

"make this work, dammit!"

its even come to a point where im so scared to discuss this with anyone.

i know i may end up annoying everyone.

so i keep it all inside, and grow miserable, day by day.

rant

2008-09-03T23:01:00.002+08:00

urgh whatever la.

when i grow up i wanna travel and do good things for good people.
i want to be able to afford the best cosmetics and lotions.
i wanna go to places ive never been but ive only heard of from people who have been there.
i want to be able to walk into any shop and simply pick and choose pieces to my liking.
i want to fix my nose, my eyes, my teeth, my skin.
i wanna hire a personal trainer and a nutritionist to ensure that i eat what im supposed to.
i wanna be the friend who gives the best presents for birthdays and throws fabulous parties.

i wanna do so many things i wasn't able to do simply because i was never good enough, pretty enough, smart enough.

lets just say, the one thing that can't buy happiness sure will make your life way much easier.

THIS IS A SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT

2008-09-03T21:26:00.005+08:00

we strongly recommend BABYLON A.D starring Vin Diesel and Michelle Yeoh.

if you are the type of person who enjoys watching moves that makes you go "HUH?" then this movie is THE one for you *gringringrin*

went to watch it last night with a very generous yc. *thank you!*

we parked at the new wing, only to walk all the way to the old wing just to have our dinner.

what do you want to eat huh?

dunno. haven't seen any food shops yet..

that is after we walked by vietnamese kitchen, dragon-i, chillies, nandos, itallianies..you get the drift. sooooooooooooooooooo picky la!

we walked by shojikiya and i REALLY wanted to eat there since my first attempt to do so failed miserably :(

hey you wanna eat here? heard the sushi is pretty good.

huh, i try not to eat at these places, its so open..

....................

we ended up at sushi king.

which is right at the other end of one utama.

gila.

okay yes. ive learnt that there are two types of salmon.

one is the normal RAW salmon.

the other is SMOKED salmon.

yes, yes, i am wrong. its not tuna. :D

i love smoked salmon la.

i really really REALLY love it la.

the flavour, the texture...mmmmm....

shit. damn hungry now.

about the movie?

go watch!

really!!!

thanks khelvyn.

you managed to make me forget, and thats enough, eventhough its only for one short night.

I pray my story has a happy ending

2008-09-01T22:55:00.003+08:00

sometimes, we cant do it on our own.

so we look to the divine.

every night, i pray for the things i hope for.

those deepest darkest dearest dreams that only God knows.

there are times when i cry as i pray because things are really as hopeless as it seems.

and there is nothing i can do about it.

so i pray and i pray.

pray for success.

pray for will power.

pray for happiness.

pray for love.

pray for a miracle.

"I pray that I don't get hurt"

"I pray that he is faithful"

"Please, let me see him soon"

"Please, I pray that he loves me"
"Please, I pray that I stop loving him since he doesnt love me"

I pray for a happy ending to this twisted love story.

i am a sucker for pain.

2008-09-01T22:22:00.004+08:00

what the hell. am i the only one who's not getting some lately?

i miss you guys. so very much.

2008-09-01T02:00:00.003+08:00

i can finally breathe once more

2008-09-01T00:45:00.004+08:00

do you know how it feels like to have your entire future depending on a single slip of paper?

in the week before the results were supposed to come out, i've had panic attacks which were few and far in between. id suddenly think of "what-if's" and figuring out all the consequences in the event i couldnt move on to do my clp.

there was so much on the line.

i always am told "you are doing this for yourself" which to a certain extent is true but its pure bullshit la. your results are not only for yourself, it has its effects on everyone around you.

i kept on thinking on how i would be able to pull myself out of the sheer depression id be in if i had gotten a degree that does not qualify me to practice law.

* the LLB comes in few classes. The highest is First Class, followed by Second Class (upper division), Second Class (lower division), Third Class and General Degree. only First class and Second class degree holders are allowed to sit for the CLP*

ever since i did my attachment at this law firm, it suddenly came as a revelation to me.

THIS IS WHAT I WANT TO DO.

i never knew there exist a job so challenging and rewarding at the same time. i want it so bad that i savoured every single day like it was my last because i know not if i'll ever be back again.

i had difficulty breathing, and the effects are still there. sometimes at night when all is calm and quiet, i can still hear noises coming from my chest.

needless to say, i was scared stiff when i was informed that we could finally check our results online. i cried and cried and cried somemore. i was a horrible mess and i couldnt do it alone. i went to find my brother and he was shocked when he saw me.

when i finally managed to key in the relevant digits, what came out made me sob uncontrollably.

i am so, so blessed.

am i dyslexic?

2008-07-12T18:34:00.002+08:00

i mean seriously.
i am confusing my B's with my D's (and i dont mean that as in cup size okies).
case in point, im looking at s39B of the Dangerous Drugs Act 1952, and im taking down notes.
my note pad will look like;

"~~S39D~~ S39B of the Act further states..."
"....therefore accused is charged under ~~S39D~~ S39B of the Act for trafficking..."
"...appellant is contending that the trial judge should have charged the respondent under ~~S39D~~ S39B.."

i tend to get my numbers all twisted up, and sometimes while writing down my phone number, i'll put down the last digit as a sum of the last two digits.
okay. thats confusing.
sort of when i mean to say xxx-xxxxx26?
i end up saying xxx-xxxxx28.
wtf, correct?

i was complaining about it to my colleagues then the three of us decided to wiki it..
omg. do i suffer from ADHD as well?!

its funny, because the three of us are sharing one office where the door is constantly open. so when people walk by, all they could see are three attachees staring very intently at the screen, not knowing we were reading up on dyslexia ;p

nah.
im not dyslexic.

cuz i wouldnt be able to read up on all the cases ive been reading up on now, would i?

4 days worth

2008-07-06T21:31:00.005+08:00

its such a great form of escapism.
i now understand why people convert and become workaholics.

DAY ONE
i walked in 5 minutes late. hehe.
first day summore. *note to self. work on timing.*

i was not prepared for the amount of people taking the train to work. i understand that its the morning rush and all, but seriously..its as though the platform was not enough to hold all these people.
i thought id be able to make it in time if i leave the house at 730, but i ended up leaving at 735.
madness. furthermore, the train lingers at every platform, cuz it takes longer to shut its doors and go on its way. doesn't make much sense to me though, its not like leaving the doors open for few more seconds would allow more people into the train anyway.

so as i walked into the office, i was relieved to see that i was not the only new person there.
Besides another attachee, there were three new chambies as well. oddly enough, the first half of the day was spent with us not doing anything. seriously. just sitting in the chambering room talking to each other, more of like an informal "getting-to-know-you" session..

of all the fears i had such as
-snobby chambies
-stern and unfriendly lawyers
-being the only new one
-not knowing anything and ending up looking pretty foolish
-someone else wearing the same thing as myself (i know, super damn superficial)

ONE OF THE CHAMBIES WORE THE SAME SHOES AS I WAS.
OMG hahahahha..it was a great ice breaker la haha
"hey? same shoes!"
"yeah, i saw it when you walked in earlier on" *smiles*

halfway through the afternoon i was called up to my master's office along with another chambie. she assigned us this particular thing, and it was my first time looking through our malaysian law journals. im so not used to seeing malaysian names in cases! *jakun*

my master wanted me to get it for her ASAP.
so i asked another attachee (who has been there for a week already)
"hey, when someone says they want it ASAP..how ASAP is ASAP?"
"if they give it to you in the morning, you have to give before lunch..if you are given before lunch..you have to give it before you go home...like half a day..?"

so i rush like a gila person la.
only after i managed to find something (or at least, i thought i DID..) and running up the stairs to hand it to her...
SHE'S ALREADY GONE HOME.
*sigh*

had dinner with darling min. the bestie i only get to see once or twice (if i'm lucky) a year.
shattered all my romantic delusions about finding the right guy in one sentence.
asshole. but i love you anyways min, IF you are reading. but you know that without needing me to say a word, dontcha?

DAY TWO
decided to make a bit more effort and got up EVEN later.
what the fuck, right?
but i managed to leave the house ON time, and strolled easily into office at 820 :D
happy.

continued my search for my master, trying in vain to get what she wanted.
(and i decided to wear a different pair of shoes) haha..
i met her first thing in the morning, but unfortunately, what i got is not what she wanted. she finally explained to me in further detail what she needed, so with a narrow parameter, i was able to localize my search. and i ended up carrying 4 journals up to her room. HEAVY SIAL. (ok ok, i can't possibly bring all 4 up myself, so i had assistance)

she seemed quite satisfied with one of the cases i showed her, and therefore proceeded to give us a newer task.

i love to stay in the library. its so quiet, so scholarly.
but i suppose that just reading cases after cases, it took its toll on me so i ended up taking a short nap in the library. LOL. so exemplary, no?

digressing abit- i wore an apple green baju with black pants to the office..shortly after that one of the chambies informed us kindly that we are ENCOURAGED to wear black and white. just in case we need to go to court. so its pretty strict, the dresscode there. i felt like i stuck out like a ~~green~~ sore thumb. but i felt better when it was pointed out that someone else's attire was much too casual for the office.. *guilty*

since we left the office relatively late on the first day, the other attachee, yY and i decided that we would go back early; ie on time today.
just as we were getting ready to return the books to their respective shelves, Attachee Sr rushed into the library
"who wants to go to court tomorrow? palace of justice in putrajaya"

yY and i just looked at each other and we were like
"no!"
"i dunno the way!"
"no clothes to wear!"

Attachee Sr shook his head and laughed in disbelief.
"First time i hear attachee don't want to go to court just because she has no clothes to wear"

yY and i eyed him
"you know right, we were indirectly told off this morning about our clothes!!"
"alright..i'll go and inform them.."
and went off snickering. -_-""

"i feel bad la wei. not a very good impression."
"but what can we do..? i don't know how to get there!"

and we went to the chambering room and apologised to one chambie who was following her master the next day.
"i'm so sorry..do you really need an attachee to follow you?"
"yes, because its a good opportunity.."
"i don't know the way.. and i dont have suitable clothes.."
"eh? i got a white shirt..and my jacket is hanging on the back of the door.."

and she handed me the jacket, and it fit me perfectly.
"see? no more excuses!"

so that is how i ended up being the one to go to court the next day -_-"""

DAY THREE
had to wake up bloody early.
Attachee Sr's advice kept on replaying itself over and over in my head.
"you MUST be at KL sentral BEFORE 8."

i managed to get into the LRT by 730 i think..
OMG do you know how freaking worried i was?
i was carrying a bag stuffed with documents on my left shoulder, coat in my right hand. black knee length skirt with a proper white buttoned down formal shirt. running around in 3 inch heels.

tak-tak-tak-tak-tak up the escalator.
tak-tak-tak-tak-tak into the train (ignoring the bitch stares i got from the people around me because i had to cut the queue *appologises profusely*)
muttering my hail marys praying that i'll make it to sentral on time. serious shit. at every stop i'll be doing an internal countdown like "6 more to go..5 more..okay nearly there.."
and i had sordid visions of how i'll miss my train..and not make it to the Palace of Justice on time..and the look of disappointment..and the bad impression.. ugh..
stress sial.
reached kl sentral tak-tak-tak all the way down the stairs.
managed to get my ticket three freaking minutes before the train leaves.
tak-tak-tak-tak-tak-tak down the escalator, literally leaping into the erl.

(i only found out much later that the train will only depart 5 minutes after its due departure time.. geram sial)

finally, upon reaching putrajaya, my poor feet protested at the long and ardous walk to the taxi stand.
so damn far man!

but i'm thankful i made it on time.

seriously. i may as well have gone around with a huge JAKUN sign stamped onto my forehead.
the place was freaking huge. and ive never been to court, and here i am at the court of appeal.
got lost trying to find the cafeteria. hopeless, kan?

(later when i was excitedly recounting my story to a friend, i felt like cekik-ing her...im so happy i could go but then she blandly responded with
"oh..i was also given a chance to go, but i refused."
"but, its like my third day! and i get to go! second highest court!"
"well i was offered on my second day..and ask me three times already..i rather stay in library and do research. go to court. you learn NOTHING"
"you so negative la you..."
"im being a realist"
i did feel a bit potong steam la after that. but i respect what she had to say because that is her own opinion. as for me, i still am incredibly happy that i went. yes there will be many times after this, but the first time is always special, right?)

was really tired later on that evening, but i really wanted to see kiko.
met him at 8 and we lost each other at kl sentral, imagine that?
but for a moment only though *save face*
"where you wanna go?"
"dunno.where you wanna go?"
"dunno la..im freaking tired, you think la"
"we're going to your area! i dunno whats there.."

ding dong up and down like no ones business la the two of us.

DAY FOUR
a relatively normal day..body getting used to the routine by now.
i was assigned to do a research by one of the partners, so i carried the statute book and a whole bunch of books to the attachee room (they had to separate us..the chambies and the attachees, i mean..the chambering rooom was too small to fit such a huge number of people)

there was a talk that was going to be held at this particular place.. we were told that we SHOULD attend it (i now understand that the onus is on you to just accept any offer because i think they are not really asking you to do something...its more of like they are telling you to do so...which is great, or else we'd be missing out on loads of stuf if we had to choose it based on our own accord)
we were told that it starts at 3.
yY and i were so engrossed indoing our work that when we looked up at the time it was already 245.
and having to find Attachee Sr, getting our stuff together, etc etc..by the time we leave office, sure damn late, right?

we walked in exactly at 3.
to find that we were the only ones there.
upon receiving our materials and handouts for the talk..
we saw that the talk is only supposed to start at 330. finishes at 730. DAMN LONG LA WEI!

we left after the first half.
cannot la, the three of us were nodding off during the first talk itself.

met up with exBfNo3 for dinner. i really wanted to go to shojikiya for dinner but upon arrival, the line was so damn long. its sickening to see that the one restaurant i really wanted to go into was once again beyond my reach.

ended up at delicious once again with a huge bowl of wedges. and odd enough, the ex was not hungry so only a quarter of the wedges was consumed. damn wasted la wei!

ah. the ex.
he looks the same. but different, too.
thinner than ive ever known him to be. but a better conversationalist.
and he looks good also, somehow *smiles*
but what we had once between us (if one could actually call that "something") is no longer there. he is just a comfortable reminder of what the past was.

geri's long day

2008-06-30T11:01:00.003+08:00

alright so its my last free monday of my holiday for tomorrow i shall be starting my attachment at z&c.

damn nervous la wei. like stomach churning breaking out in cold sweat weak legs kinda nervous.

i knew i shouldn't have skipped yoga AGAIN. maybe all of the stretching and twisting would be just right to straighten up all my knotted nerves.

you know, im so uptight that it does not even bother me that the bf has not msged me for one whole day.

*edit*
fuck you dude.
i got other things to worry about.
forgiven, sayang.

its the last day of june, my hols started earlier this month. so its been roughly a month of not doing..anything? true, i didn't intend on doing anything at all this hols, but as time goes by really really slowly...its just more than i can bear, honestly..

im gonna have to take a passport photo later for work tomorro though..i procrastinate till the very last minute, my god..joycey tells me that the photo people do some work on the photo before printing it out..but really, do they do that? how kind!
im just gonna slather on concealer anyways, to be safe *sigh*

there are 3 people im expecting to hear from today.. and ExBfNo3 is one of them.
can't wait to catch up over lunch!

__________________________________________

so its currently 11 pm, and the countdown to working begins..nerves, my dear, be calm..

i didnt have a very good day. ExBfNo3 called me back only after two hours. i know, i shouldnt be so uptight about it but he made me wait sooo long, and i didnt want to have anything to eat because i was unsure as to what my lunch plans are going to be. why i bothered waiting? its because he had some errands to run before he could confirm our lunch plans, but i know for a fact that his msg could have come earlier.and there i go again. waiting for a guy.

i couldnt handle not having my kawan kawan around me so i actually went to my car in the parking lot and tried my best not to cry.
imagine? i get myself a pair of shoes and walk around one u looking at the phone sooo often that had anyone studied me closely, they would think i was being stood up.
waiting for my lunch date to call. (busy with errands)
waiting for my bf to msg me with his usual "hey, what you do?" (in class)
waiting for the best friend who flew in from UK to msg me cuz ive been waiting to hear from him ever since knowing he's back.(out to lunch, etc etc..dont blame him, after all he just got back..)

abit disappointing la really.
most disappointing was the fact that deep down, i knew this is not how i wanted to spend the day.

finally i couldnt stand it,i cried in the car.
really, i am not shy to say that i shed a few tears in the comfort of my car, and gave kiko a call blasting him with a torrent of "why-haven't-you-msg-me" and a dash of "i've-been-waiting-for-my-ex-to-msg-me-for-nearly-3-freaking-hours"

i hate it when he makes me feel better.
means ive caved in.
i wanted to be all kelly-clarkson-independent-woman-type you know, and initial plan was to ignore him for one whole day.
tit for tat, you know, i dont get your msgs, you wont get mine too *hmph*
but i can't.
i just needed him at that point.

however.
i received the msg from ExBfNo3 at 2.
i only replied at 530.
see how HE likes it, waiting for 3 freaking hours.

then much later on, i felt bad.
"i'm sorry i replied so late. had a bad day"

sigh.

so we talked awhile..when suddenly
"hey, i call you later, okay? im going out now, im really sorry la wei"

wtf.
"you know that is like the third time you said you'll call me..don't say things you don't mean"

seee?
so full of benci-ness.

kiko tells me to rest.
i tell him im excited about going to work..its like going back to school :)
i hope for all the best!
and like my peers and kawans, ill try to blog about my experiences as well as i can :)

good night.
ending the post with a happy note.
*round of orange juice for all!*

bubbly

2008-06-25T00:51:00.004+08:00

i just got back from dinner.. and all i can think of now is

The rain is falling on my window pane
But we are hiding in a safer place

Under covers staying nice and warm

You give me feelings that i adore

They start in my toes

Make me crinkle my nose

Wherever it goes

I always know

That you make me smile

Please stay for a while now

Just take your time

Wherever you go

to those who know what is really happening..im just falling deeper into it, huh? i cant help it.

nonsensical nonsense

2008-06-20T14:21:00.004+08:00

Excerpt 1:

what have you been up to lately, now that you have no classes said yoki to me.
FERMENTING said i.
LOL said he what a word to use!
i think we may have very well started a new term.

Let me illustrate for you.
Q: Hey, you free tonight?
A: Nah, i've got to ferment.

Excerpt 2:

hello said i to kiko. are you awake?
no said he, i'm half asleep.
alright then, talk to me when you're fully awake said i, not wanting to disturb him.
i can't sleep, he grumbles. the sun is shining in my face.
oh? said i as i raise an eyebrow. how inconsiderate of the sun to do so..when i see it, i'll be sure to scold it for shining into ur face.

something you can't run away from

2008-06-19T09:33:00.004+08:00

woohoooo

come 1st July il be experiencing new things, in a place which (on first impression) seems to be very impressive.

i have been very adamant to those (who are willing to listen, of course) that i don't ever wanna grow up.
when i grow up, i wanna be a kid
i like being a student, it leaves my days free to do as i wish provided of course i don't totally leave my books to rot in the gutter. this realisation arose after i had worked for 5 months in a place where the job was really causing my IQ to further decrease. eventhough it paid well, it was the type of job that only robots will enjoy doing, seeing as it was so mechanical.
i really pity those who work as admin assistants. if their job is anything like how mine was, lets just say im upping the pity quotient an additional 50%.
ever since then, i told myself being a student is way better than this.

however, one day as i was preaching how great it is to be at the age we are now, someone said yes, but everyone has to grow up sometime. you will look pretty silly if ur still a professional student at 40.

considered my bubble burst.yes, deep deep deep deep deep deep down deeper than the deepest downest of my being, i know is a truth we all can't run away from.
*tying on me running shoes*

my reason for not wanting to grow up is because of the lack of familiarity. that adults seem to become grey when they start working. i don't ever wanna become grey! they sit in offices all day on a comfy cushioned chair with the aircon blasting at its maximum..
havoc on skin, havoc on the butt.

id be graduating in a few months time. its so fast. time to finish writing the last few chapters of Geri The Student, and moving on to a draftwork of Geri The Working Adult.

starting a new chapter, is starting all over again.
from learning so much to be placed in a situation where you know nothing once again. therefore lies my downfall which is where i have this fear of looking like a total and complete idiot in a situation where i don't have a clue as to what is going on.
and that if i ask, the person on the receiving end will think im being annoying.

but the more i think about it, the more it makes sense.
its all because i am no longer in control of the situation. i don't know what the others around me are thinking, i don't know how these people are like..so it is natural to feel intimidated by it all.
it should obviously not hinder me from learning as much as i can, correct?

everyone has to start somewhere, one cannot expect to go straight to the top when ur still a little fresh thing, isn't it? i was told, once..
the easier it is to go to the top, the easier it is to fall

its okay. i rather pay my dues now, and take each step slowly.

falling down causes bruises which takes forever to go away.

slutty therapy

2008-06-18T17:03:00.003+08:00

to those who are willing to spend time reading my blog, i just want to say thank you.

i think it can get a bit tiresome when i mostly speak aboout my limbo relationship. but alas, that is the one interesting event happening in my life at the moment.

on another note, ExBfNo3 had been pretty sweet, and talking to me pretty regularly in the past week. but somehow, i don't feel like wasting my time getting close to him again. a friend once said it's always the nicest in the beginning and every word rings a bell of truth.
what turned the milk sour? his unpleasant comments which left a bad taste in my mouth.

i dislike racism. unfortunately he said a couple of things that totally turned me off. come on, i have best friends from 3 of the major races, so if you are looking for a racist debate, please go elsewhere because i don't have the time to deal with your narrow mindedness.
each person has their own prejudices, but who are you to say you're more superior than another? cant we look beyond colour? stop using religion and race as a fucking excuse, alright? it all boils down to the person you are deep inside. look, even the Pharisees were a bunch of assholes and they are the ones who held pretty high positions in the synagogue, look at what happened to them?

ive always believed that if you want to be treated well, you have to treat others well too.
similarly, i wouldn't want people talking about my race, so i dont talk about others.
i am a strong believer of what it is to lead by example.

the thing about words? you can't take it back.
so i am not interested in what he has to say, anymore.

on to lighter things.

ive often wondered, how do people juggle more than 2 or 3 other people at one time? seriously? ive had my fair share of dealing with 3, 4 guys at a time, but its so exhausting.. furthermore, even when i am dealing with all of them, there is usually one person whom i pay most attention to.
on a good day, i end up making firm and fast friends. No feelings whatsoever.
on a bad day, i fall for one who turns out to be the wrong one to fall for.
how can i juggle these men without getting my feelings involved?
how do they do it?
they are sluts thats why. don't worry.
you know. maybe we need to be sluts so we dont get hurt.

quitting, starting over

2008-06-18T13:28:00.003+08:00

i was feeling pissed with the amount of parental control in the house for the past week.
so when a twenty-something feels that way, the parents should rue the day.

decided im not going to be the doormat anymore. after all if there was even some sort of acknowledgement that i have been pulling my weight around the house it wouldn't be so bad but there i was getting slammed for things ive supposedly not been doing.

and then, something within me snapped.
why on earth am i being scolded as though i have not been doing anything at all to help around the house?
ask any friends of mine, and they will tell you that i always cut my trips short because im always in a hurry to ensure there is food on the dinner table.

why am i being accused of not being a good example when i tell my siblings to make sure they have an opinion and not grow up to be spineless creatures?

decided, that was it.
i absolutely refused to look for a job because i have been putting my family first all this while.
i kept on thinking, if i work, how about the chores around the house? how about dinner?

so you know, i QUIT.

got my resume together, got myself an interview, got myself a position at a firm.

so i got til july to get my stuff together and making sure ive got enough clothes to wear..
its been a long time since i last worked in an office anyway.
if you take a look at my wardrobe, you'll see the clothes of a college student who goes to the gym regularly, and has a penchant for dresses.

this is one shopping trip i absolutely dread.

i can't say that i don't like you, can't say i do either

2008-06-18T12:47:00.003+08:00

12:20
whatchu up to?
nothing.
wanna go out?
yes! what time?
1.
thats like in a while isnt it?
yeah. dont want to be at home any longer.
got some stuff to do. call you later.

1:45
hey, lets go watch kung fu panda together.
sure.
so il pick you up k, 3?
dont make me wait, its hot there..
*princess* yes yes il be there and i wont make you wait.
promise?
promise.

2:45
woi. where are you?
still waiting for the train.

3:43
will be there in 20 minutes

4:10
im here already
will be there in a minute

4:10
see, i was here less than a minute! i wanna watch kungfu panda. its at 5.
can sampai on time onot?
can.

5:00
two tickets for kungfu panda please :)
couple seat?
yes.

ineedajobrealfast

2008-06-12T00:39:00.002+08:00

SOMEBODY, ANYBODY.

PLEASE GIVE ME A JOB.

GERI WANTS TO WRITE FOR YOU.

SO PLEASE GIVE GERI A JOB THAT ALLOWS HER TO WRITE TO HER HEART'S CONTENT.

FASHION, LIFESTLYE, FOOD, RELATIONSHIPS.

PLEASE GIVE ME A JOB.

happiness. joy.

2008-05-27T20:52:00.004+08:00

I AM SO FUCKING HAPPY.

i have thrown away every stupid memory of a crappy situation.
im finally over the Revisionist Relationship Disorder- where the continuous loop of the good parts keep on replaying itself over and over and over in my head skipping past the horrible moments.
ive gotten out of stalker mode- checking up on his every move, every shoutout, every everything.

the moment i broke out of this dungeon i was in, guess what?

he sends me a msg.

wah. damn happy la.
not because OH HE MSG ME!
but because im so over all that nonsense so its more like SERVES YOU RIGHT YOU ASSHOLE and therefore i ignored whatsisname completely..

it goes to show.
when you let go, amazing things happen.

anything for you

2008-05-26T09:42:00.003+08:00

three little words i haven't heard in a long time.
hearing them again makes me smile.

its like how they say.
once you move out of that rut, things become much better and suddenly vast opportunities and possibilities appear.

its like completing a level in a game.
you got to finish the objective, reach a goal in level one before you can move on to level two.

so perhaps that was what i needed to do.
kill the monster of uncertainty.
destroy the temple of depression.

ive leveled up.

The Commando

2008-05-25T16:48:00.006+08:00

alright, im feeling much better now.
last night around 2 i just couldnt sleep especially with all the nonsense going on in my mind. finally i was like alright, fuck it and i decided to msg alpha
are you angry with me or are you not talking to me for some reason?

NO REPLY.
typical la this boy!

but knowing that he is famous for being supercallifragilisticespiallidociously BROKE.
perhaps he had no credit?
case in point, we once went out and he only had 2 ringgit. WTF right?
what the hell, you only got 2 ringgit, so why you bother going out?!
because i want to see you ma. tak boleh ke?

anyways back to the story- i decided to call him (after much deliberation)
wei.
yes. listen! i got no credit!
uh huh..
now its the holidays, parents not giving me any money..
so we are..okay?
yes! we are alright..
sure?
yes la.. dont wory so much okay, you know me right, when i dont have money, i dont have money..
so how come you can still go out all that?!
i also dunno! like lepak at the mamak no need to spend money wat..i have to be like a commando la and see if my friends can cover for me..

*rolls eyes a gazillion times*
but i tell you. ive known him for 5 years. but i suppose this little habit of him being so careless with money is something i have to get used to..

so you know what?
im happier now.

and calmer.
and i hope il stay this way for a longer period of time *smiles*

its over

2008-05-25T00:21:00.003+08:00

its over.
i dont ever want to think about one.
i dont ever want to think about the other.

enough of the games.
i feel as lonely as hell now.
but its way much better than crying myself to sleep.

ive deleted one off my list.
as for the other, i have change back to my old number so that i wont keep on looking at my phone hoping he texts me.

im trying so hard to be brave, you know? but i really feel as if ive lost all my best friends.
is it because there is something wrong with me?

or what? is it because ive always blurred THAT line?

but you cant help it if you feel what you feel.

im trying so hard to be a big girl, and not cry about it.
but i try
and i try
and i try
and i try
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
but i cant hold it in anymore.
it hurts so much when the person you use to turn to is the person you have to avoid in order to make things right for yourself again.

pain is especially difficult to bear when you are on your own.

"risky love"

2008-05-05T14:41:00.003+08:00

so there i was the other day with nothing better to do.
an idle mind is the devil's workshop, and this is what i ended up downloading

imagine how hard i laughed when i saw the opening introduction?

click on image to enlarge

its a see saw kinda game. and it only has 5 levels.
when the girl comes down, you gotta make sure she falls back on the see saw and then the guy will bounce up to get all the stuff up there..
for fucks, il just let the guy fall down when its his turn.
lets just say, the smallest things can make me laugh.

miss you miss you damn you

2008-05-04T01:23:00.003+08:00

i feel miserable.
im so used to having a male close friend with whom i can msg in the early hours of the morning and most of the time he'll reply. or the one guy who will layan you kau-kau no matter what cuz he's developed a very protective bond over you..
it sucks when the current one is the one you are having problems with.

frustrated

2008-05-02T23:38:00.005+08:00

hey, are we back to just being normal friends?
this question again? i was busy the past few days..
you know why? because i don't know what i actually feel about you..one minute il be missing you like crazy, but the next moment im like whatever you know. thats why i ask, don't get irritated okies? :)

no reply means you dont feel the same way i do.
so just tell me, why you want to keep me dangling there like a marionette?

its different if you and i are in the same position where we only have each other to think about, with no other exes casting a shadow over us.
but i know deep down in your heart, she is still there.
oddly, i am not upset that she is, im just saying, i dont like to share..
you are first and foremost my friend. one of my closest.
i care alot about what you are doing, and how you've been.

so its okay if you tell me that things are back to what it was.

because when you do, it makes life so much easier.
we would know our boundaries, and when i do miss you- i would know its only because i miss you as my friend, and not confuse it with anything else. i wont feel hurt if you dont reply my msgs. i wont be glancing at my phone every 3 minutes to see if you had replied.
you like to see me that way is it huh sayang?

i dont. i didnt just get out of a relationship just to stumble into another thats somewhat similar.

if however you tell me about how you really feel, then at least i dont have to keep on guessing all the time. its really unfair, how can you treat your best friend like this?

i do understand that perhaps in not defining things, its better. you dont want to spoil things by interpreting everything so literally all the time.
but at this point in time, i need to be clear as to what is it you want.
a fling?
a rebound?
a back up?
a once in a while thing?
what?

when i feel like want to manja here and there, you tak layan langsung.
then when im in friend-mode you will suddenly msg something sweet.
we'd be walking together but we might as well be strangers looking at the giant gap between us.
but after that, its a different story.

i dont want to "fall-in-love" with you just because ive gotten used to you being like this okay?

make up your mind la.

so that i know. so that MY feelings wont get hurt in the process.
so i guess il end it, and i wont tell you.

last class of the academic year.

2008-04-30T23:24:00.004+08:00

as we walked out of the class for the last time i felt really empty.
which is what i felt
on the last day of primary school.
last day of secondary school.
even worse on the last day of form 6.

when we have to go off on our study breaks i suppose the effect is not as strong because
"hey, see you during exam!"

but i suppose a little distraction is enough and neccessary
to make sure that
the harshness and the loneliness of it all
is a bit easier to manage

i dont like saying goodbye.
never did.

take a bow. shows over.

2008-04-29T22:09:00.006+08:00

i had a dream about you last night, and we were both so happy.
like as though the incident in Feb was long forgotten and forgiven.
it was just like good times, like old times. talking, sharing, laughing, exploring.
we were talking, catching up on the missing pieces of each others lives
you'd smile at me and it made me happy that we were finally friends again.

and then i woke up to reality.
am i kidding myself? yes.
because the only way it would go back to that is if i fall for your smile and your charm once again.
no. you put me through hell.
for weeks i was haunted by your every move, your every word, your every gesture, your every everything.

if you didn't treat me that way that night-we'd still be the best of friends.
and we'd still be talking. sharing. laughing. exploring.
now there is this massive void between us.

i do wish you the best.im so over all that hate and anger.

when you snooze, you lose.

2008-04-29T20:30:00.003+08:00

if i were flexible enough, i would kick myself in the head for taking my sweet time to redeem the vouchers.

*digress*
last month, i received a msg telling me that i have gotten myself a free limited edition shirt (apparently worth 109 ringgit) from Pull and Bear. since it was in the evening and i needed to get some groceries anyway i just slipped on my staple denim shorts with a decent looking shirt and red flats.
walking into Pull and Bear i made a beeline to the counter where i took out my secondary phone (which is quite an old model) and showed the msg to the girl at the counter. so while i was filling out my details, she was blabbering away to another salesgirl (whoops, they are no longer called that isn't it, now they are SALES ASSISTANTS) when suddenly
YA I CAN TELL IF THEY WALK INTO THE SHOP JUST TO GET THE FREE SHIRTS, USUALLY YOU DONT SEE THESE TYPE AROUND HERE
and smiled to me as she passed me the "limited edition" shirt.

i was thinking.
should i feel offended because its really offensive what she said? or am i being just a wee bit too sensitive?
after all, its not like we begged to get those shirts.
like yoki once said ada rezeki jangan ditolak

even if she didnt mean to sound so insulting, shouldn't she have thought that saying it out so LOUDLY would have made it sound worse than it really was?

you see, the irony of it all is that i HAVE purchased clothes from there.
just because i walked in looking so selekeh doesn't mean i cannot afford to pay for your clothes, okay.
i dont really sound that pissed cuz this event happened a while ago.
but the thing is, i started thinking- does this mean i have to dress up BEFORE i walk into the shop? just so that they don't judge me and act as though i am not worthy to be in the shop?

oh please la. the shirt, while it was quite nice and colourful (and a cheap advertising gimmick since it says "I BUY FROM PULL AND BEAR") did not seem to me like it was worth 109 ringgit.
but i do love it. if there is a similar shirt with the same cutting available in pure black, pure white- i would buy it.

you see. there is a reason why she is the sales assistant.
obviously she lacks the tact needed for a better job.
*end of digress*

so back to the Guess cash vouchers (urgh, i'm still feeling sore about it).
i was feeling abit appprehensive about walking into Guess in Highstreet- where all the shops are like omgwtfonlyinmydreams type so i purposely brought the cousin sister for support (see? paranoia).
walking into the shop (which is like a gazzillion times better and more expensive than Pull and Bear) i really feel so intimidated as i make my way to the counter.
i walked up to the guy behind the counter and asked him about the voucher and showed him the msg on my crappy but dependable secondary phone. and guess what?
i'm so sorry miss, but we only could give out vouchers to the first 30 people.. *shows list* i'm so sorry.. *smile*

i kinda knew it cuz i went to redeem my vouchers 2 days after receiving the msg. but its okay i suppose- i have a funny feeling i would have to fork out more money to get a decent pair anyway :)

but the way he spoke to me was really so nice. this is the type of service one should be giving if one is working in a line that deals with customers.

Sales staff aside, i really really feel a great sense of loss when i did not get the vouchers.
Its okay. I may not even be able to use them anyway..i think.
I'll just wait for the next cash voucher offer to fall into my lap- and i'll be more kiasu next time :p

btw- i wanted to get myself a new pair of shoes from Vincci but they always don't have my size! its so frustrating! :(
and i walked the whole of pdi this morning and i couldn't find a single thing i liked.
their standard is going down the drain! bad designs, cheap materials, gaudy colours.. the only items which i think are still worth buying at the moment are their shoes.
its so frustrating because i have 80 ringgit cash vouchers and i can't find anything that i like enough to spend that sort of money on.
on top of that, they gave me two 40 ringgit vouchers, so i have to find items which must add up to 40 minimum or else damn wasted la..
why couldnt they have given it to me in 20s instead?

alright, im being such a bitch- sounding so ungrateful..
im not. just frustrated :( since my voucher expires in june, i hope that they have new stuff in may (or sales or something..)
or shoes that i like which are in MY size. please please please.

what do you think?

2008-04-28T09:24:00.000+08:00

I'm
a Gryffindor!

exBfNo3

2008-04-27T23:36:00.004+08:00

been catching up with exBfNo3. im glad he is one of the few exs whom i am still on good terms with..few weeks back he asked me after a long conversation
so, was i a good boyfriend?
yeah. but kinda boring la.
oh. sorry.
i meant the relationship..not you.. *grins*

we ended the relationshp early form 5. and we never spoke to each other the way we used to after that. somehow, after nearly 6 years of not seeing each other or even talking to each other, we started to rekindle the friendship when..

CONVERSATION 1:
wah. there is this guy that i see every week, and i really like him
oh. cute ah?
ya. not to say handsome or what, but i like to see him.
so who is better looking. me or him?
WHAT! why you ask until like that!
just asking. so who is better?
erm. both also different, quite difficult to compare and i dont like to compare.
its okay, because I am asking you to compare us. so who is better?
erm. he got muscles la, body very nice.
dont talk about muscles, i know i dont have. so faster tell me..who is better looking?

CONVERSATION 2:
hey. am i handsome?

omg.
please la hahaha.
in both instances, i didnt bother answering his question.
how to answer! i don't like to lie to people's face okies!
then he cheekily asked
am i putting you in a very difficult position?

THIS IS NOT THE PERSON I DATED AT ALL!
scary.
scary shit.

don't wanna know la

2008-04-27T21:58:00.004+08:00

ARGH
GIVE ME AN ANSWER

i think i like you. but in what capacity?
i dont know.
and you are just as confused as i am, i know.

i didnt get to sleep last night. i kept on waking up and now i'm cranky.
oh. pity you. i havent slept from last night.
ah. well im on my bed now. lets sleep together! but wait for my strepsils to dissolve first.
you come here la. then we sleep together.

wish i could.
but then THAT would be so so weird.

lazy sunday

2008-04-27T14:32:00.002+08:00

my layout didnt really turn out as i expected :( but its okay, i'm semi happy, and its better than not being happy at all huh :p

so i'm recovering. from what ?
from a sore body.
and a sore throat.

i hate sore throats. seriously. ever since i can remember, im very prone to them.. but i suppose im lucky..i rather get sore throats than to have a bad cough and what not..

so..i have a new dilemma..
i have a 200 ringgit voucher from guess footwear.
but.. i dont believe for a moment that shoes from guess will only cost 200?
COME ON..
anyways..i have an 80 ringgit voucher from padini which i cannot use at the moment because the fucked up administration is so..fucked up.
my card expired, so i had to pay 10 ringgit to "renew" it. AND i have to wait ONE MONTH before their system is updated.

its been nearly two months and GUESS WHAT?
its still not updated because APPARENTLY the main office has not received the renewal slip from the place i renewed it.
stupid padini concept store at ikano

so i am waiting.
because i can't use my voucher WITHOUT presenting my card.

sigh.
80 ringgit.
and i hope hope hope i can get something with my 200 ringgit voucher.from guess. i don't care if all i end up getting are slippers.

new layout!

2008-04-25T16:41:00.002+08:00

ah. i feel better already.
previous layout, while it was nice, seemed to reflect those days of sheer unhappiness.

this new layout? now, this is me.
all my favourite colours are out in full force!
can't be happier :)

f.l.u.b

2008-04-25T11:05:00.003+08:00

i feel like running, cycling, whatever..
took a good look at myself in the mirror and i didnt like what i saw!
took a break for a week already, and i FEEL so so out of it. and its just one week, you know.

i dont care.
even if i feel so exhausted after that.
even if my body aches all over.. its alright. cuz this kind of pain, i like.

it doesn't help that i am having cravings for really fattening food like curries and nasi lemak :(
and coke. and sweets. i LOVE sweets.

somehow, not working out has intensified the cravings and im just feeling fat, lazy and useless..and..BIG. *sob*

shit.

grey area

2008-04-25T09:44:00.002+08:00

dear pha,
i had a dream of the both of us and in my dream we did all the things we usually do when we meet up.

we met at the same place.
you drove.
and had dinner at the last place we went to.

but strangely enough, after that..
So what you wanna do now?
I wanna go home.

i can't help but feel a bit disturbed by this though..
cuz i do miss you loads when i don't receive your msgs BUT i know for a fact that we are DEFINITELY not suited to be with each other as a couple.

i do find it strange that after i have been out with you, i feel like i have the need to know how you actually feel about me
What are we?
I don't know.

its just fine then. because i myself don't know as well.
i just hate this blur line of best friend to boy friend to just being friends.
i wish i knew. but then again, im glad i dont.

2008-04-24T12:06:00.003+08:00

"Hail Mary" was being repeated in my mind. Constantly. Some people take alcohol for dutch courage. for me, i look to the divine.

before leaving though, the thought of asking for company did cross my mind but wait a minute, no one knows where i was going anyway. ah yes. im in this alone. again.

decided to bring the old professor with me, to keep me occupied. he did mention few months back that he wanted to tell me a story, i just hadn't the time to sit down and listen to that story of his.

i cannot bear to sit in the reception area twiddling my thumbs for the lack of something to do. and time passes by oh so slowly. with every passing minute the tempo of my hearbeat increases.

i tried to pay attention to what the old professor was trying to tell me, for after all he did try his best to distract me from the worry that was not shown on my face (or so i thought).
after a while i realised that it was difficult listening to him because he was speaking in such showy language.

come on. can't you express yourself in a way that makes it easier for me to understand?
it is imperative that i speak in this manner. if you are unable to comprehend, i will gladly repeat myself for you.

i asked him to repeat himself, and i suppose i could understand him the third time round. but all the while, i was still waiting and waiting for my turn.

finally.
the moment of truth.
what i heard was a shock and a revelation at the same time, and it is comforting to know that i am not entirely alone in relation to this matter.
we will see how things are in 3 days time.

as for the old professor and i?
he is still trying to tell me his story. and because im so grateful that he was there, filling my hands (thus effectively preventing me from destructively twiddling my thumbs), i shall go and further deepen our acquaintance.

2008-04-24T11:20:00.001+08:00

it's been one week.
and i received the call today.
going to see her now.

i hope and pray that everything is alright.
please be alright.
please.

Jessica Rabbit

2008-04-23T16:16:00.003+08:00

THIS IS BLOODY BLOODY BRILLIANT ! lookit! its Jessica Rabbit!

i don't care what they say, im in love with youuuuu~~

stumbled upon pixeloo's site, and its just bloody brilliant.
bloody brilliant.
BLOODY BRILLIANT!
i've always wondered how do they manage to create something like this, and now i know.
you need intense skills man. INTENSE.

go see his site!
http://pixeloo.blogspot.com/

2008-04-22T20:23:00.002+08:00

GUESS WHAT!!!
i FINALLY figured out something that i have been wondering about for ages!

i FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY understood what
"first cousin twice removed" means!

*joy*
*joy*
*joy*

*squeals in ecstacy*

id be more than happy to explain what it means to those who are willing to add this bit of info to their database *grin*

kickapoo

2008-04-22T19:44:00.002+08:00

on saturday, i brought the brother to Popular in Ikano to get his stationary. i love going to Popular. *weirdo* i can just stand there and look at the various pens/files/notebooks/highlighters for ages and ages and i usually take a very very VERY long time to make a decision. which is the reason why i prefer to go alone :)

SINCE HOWEVER i did not go there to get stuff for MYSELF..i bugged the brother instead!

hey, this file looks nice, its got a nice shade of green!
okay.
HELLO, that file damn ugly la, would you want to walk around carrying THOSE patterns?
since you said so.
YUCK, its blue in colour!
okay, i want it.
Which would you prefer? the orange or the turquoise?
not the orange one.

JAHAT! *smack*

hehe.. it was not just confined to patterns and colours, OKAY.

hey, you prefer the 2R files or the 2D files?
whats the diff =.="
one is rounder than the other!
okay. 2D.
hey! that file you're taking is too soft!
okay. *puts back file*
WOI! that file super white and ugly la!
but its not soft. quite hard wut.
get the other one la! neh..red colour. nice what :)
ok.
eh..but i like this black one though.
but you said those type too soft.
not THAT soft ma!... *reconsiders*

i know, its out of sheer family duty and obligation my brother layan-ed me liddat. or else he will have to walk back home! *evil glint*

eh. that is too thin!
okay.
erm..how many subjects you got? can share share ma
okay. *grabs 4 files and walks towards the paper stacks*

hehe. anyways while i was lecturing him on the goodness of loose writing paper as opposed to those which are available in book form, out of the corner of my eye, i think i happened to see something i was not supposed to see.

there was this guy squatting with his kid (perhaps 3-4 years old) and the both of them were standing really close to the stationary bins. in the guys hand, i saw what seemed to be a drink contained in a plastic bag, you know, the type that you tapau from the coffee shop.
but hang on, waitaminit, this is IKANO, there are no shops nearby where you can tapau likdat!
when i adjusted my line of sight, it was actually the kid peeing into the bag.
erm. i really dont want to be judgemental, but frankly speaking, there were toilets nearby.
you want directions? its get out of popular, turn to the right, and walk straight all the way! its not far at all! just next door!
my brother commented that the kid may grow up thinking that its right to do so-which is not, obviously.
or maybe he had his reasons or whatever, but i do think it is not the best way to deal with it. and in full view of the public,to say the least.
frankly speaking, i never thought id see ppl behave this way here.

and he walked around, carrying that plastic bag, filled with clear yellow liquid.
its okay, for those who do see it, will think its just some drink.
after all, ignorance, is truly bliss~

"give them cake!"

2008-04-21T15:56:00.004+08:00

my LATEST obssesion

*click on the above*

could someone get me a book about her? or a copy of the movie?

please?

pretty pretty please?

eureka?

2008-04-21T15:18:00.002+08:00

I GOT IT!
GOT IT GOT IT GOT IT!!!

hehe :D

to know what an individual's domicile is- especially if you are not sure then you refer to Art 59(1) which is if you want to know if a person is domiciled in UK, for example then we shall have to refer to UK laws governing this area.
Art 59(1) is supplemented by Para 9(2) & Para 9(6), Schedule 1, of the Civil Jurisdiction & Judgement Order 2001.
Para 9(2) states that an individual is domiciled in UK if: he is resident in the UK & the nature of the circumstances of his residence indicate that he has a substantial connection with the UK. This is presumed to be so, unless contrary is proven.
Para 9(6) defines "nature & circumstances of his residence" to mean if he has been resident in the UK for the last 3 months or more.

Art 59(2) is when one wants to determine the domicile of a person in any country other than UK. The foreign country's internal law would be used.

I did remember asking whether it was necessary for us to discuss this, but through further reading i realised that it is important to do so especially if the domicile of the CLAIMANT is unknown or is seen to be abstract.

The courts, in seising jurisdiction, would first look to Art 2 to determine as to which courts would do so. Generally, it is the domicile of the defendant (which in most problem questions would be in any member state outside of the UK). We, in advising the claimant, would have to look to the exceptions to see if the UK courts could seise jurisdiction instead. Utilising Art 3 and looking at the special and exclusive jurisdictions- any of which, if satisfied will bring the proceedings home.

HOWEVER this is only so IF the claimant is DOMICILED in the UK. (since we want the UK courts to seise jurisdiction)

If the claimant fails to be a UK domiciliary, then the UK courts will not be able to seise jurisdiction- if claimant is found to be a German domiciliary and the defendant is a Romanian domiciliary the proceedings would take place in either the German courts or the Romanian court (unless other exceptions apply- notably Arts 22, 23 & 27)

Can anyone please explain Art 59 of the Brussels Convention?

2008-04-18T10:14:00.002+08:00

Chapter V
GENERAL PROVISIONS
Art 59

In order to determine whether a party is domiciled in the Member state whose courts are seised of a matter, the court shall apply its internal law.
If a party is not domiciled in the Member state whose courts are seised of the matter, then, in order to determine whether the party is domiciled in another Member State, the court shall apply the law of that Member State.

I DONT GET IT.

okay lets assume that we have two parties, a Spanish claimant and a German defendant who is staying in England for a while.

Art 1 (civil & commercial matter) satisfied, so we go to Art 2- to sue in the defendants domicile. So here based on the scenario, we have a German, who is staying in England for a while- is he domiciled in England or Germany?
If i'm not mistaken, we apply Art 59(1) here where IF the courts that seise the jurisdiction is the German courts, then they will use their own conflict of law rules to determine if he is domiciled in England or Germany.
But since we are studying English law, we will choose the English court to seise jurisdiction , and determine the claimant's domicile according to English conflict of law rules.

*did i get it right?*
i mean, that is MY understanding of it..if you think i'm really wrong, please correct me!!

okay, with regards to Art 59(2) what i can think of is a situation where the English courts seise jurisdiction but unsure as to what is the domicile of the German defendant.

SO if the courts SUSPECT that his domicile is Germany, then they will use GERMAN conflict of laws rules to determine his domicile?

do i even need to discuss this? *sob*
really, if you do have a clue, please let me know!

2008-04-17T16:55:00.002+08:00

i do hope in 1 week, things will be better.
i do hope that il be fine, and that this was just a scare.

please.
please be okay.

cradlesnatcher

2008-04-16T23:07:00.004+08:00

there is this guy that i see at a place where i go to spend "mytime".
so whenever i see him, i get the tingles *eee* i dunno why, he reminds me of a guy i used to like but i think this guy is way much better *swoon* cuz his body is really nice. like really really nice la. and he always comes on specific days, and "so happens" im there also ehehehe..

i dont want to seem desperate, right. so what i do is i totally ignore him when he walks past me.
but when he does, il be chanting
"TALK TO ME TALK TO ME TALK TO ME" in my head.
im trying to spread positive vibes so that he will be somewhat influenced on a subconscious level.
notice how i tell myself a whole bucketful of shit just to make myself happy?

so that tactic tak jadi.
i decided to just hang around awhile.
like, not do anything so it gives him the opportunity to talk to me.

fail.

in the end, i got so... ~~pathetic~~ ~~desperate~~ curious, i decided to ask for help.
i found out his name, and age.
guess what?

he was born in 1990.
that is like 5 years younger.
that is like my brother's age.

OMG.

sorry la, i just cannot la.
but i cant help it!
CUTE!

2008-04-16T22:16:00.000+08:00

i forgot what i wanted to say
*blank*

there are 3 people who completes my life. i love you immensely.

2008-04-14T01:19:00.002+08:00

placed that on my msn-cuz sometimes i dont get to catch my best friends online, just wanted to let them know how much i appreciate them.

but i feel bad also though because there were two other friends of mine who asked me who i was talking about.

you see, i feel, sometimes its better not to ask-because you do not know what the answer might be. and ironically, those to whom it's intended for will not bother asking because they already know that im referring to them.

however it doesn't mean i dont appreciate my other friendships! i do!
but its just that these 3 people are those who i have known for a long time. and they know EVERYTHING about me.

they are like my family.
and i really cannot imagine life without them. i get through alot of shit because of their support, do you know?

like one who was so patient with me eventhough i acted like a selfish bitch.
like the other who calls me up in the middle of the night and calmed me down when i was crying.
like another who drove all the way to my place to ensure i didnt do anything stupid when i was drunk.

i love you.
i really really really really really really really really do.
i thank my lucky stars for having people like you in my life.
*blessed*

you can hold my hand if you want to

2008-04-13T23:56:00.003+08:00

aw kiko :(

your mouth hurts is it?
i dunno how to make the pain go away..

but its okay, kan..ive told you before, no pain, no gain..

i know you love to eat, but i was looking at pictures of us 4 years back and you were so fit then..so use this opportunity to lose weight la :)

but you do look kinda cute now though.

so geeky! :) i just didnt want to tell you, takut nanti you lebih lebih kan?

i promise, when your mouth dont hurt so much, we'll go out again and we'll have a good time just like how we used to..

sayang you long time

*hugs & kisses*

i'll stand very still so you wont have to be afraid of me

2008-04-12T01:13:00.006+08:00

after having a considerably crappy day (from now on referred to as bluedays cuz i really really really really dont like blue) i decided enough is enough. no point of me wallowing in my self imposed misery

yes, i am aware that the sky in this painting is orange in colour.

so what i did was i decided to call norm. but first, i did ask him
"hi, how are you? are you busy?"
the sweetheart was not (or so he said) so i decided to give him a call.

"hi! what are you doing?"
"hey, nothing much, just hanging out with my friends, watching football"

FOOTBALL. O_O""

"hah? means you are not free la liddat!"
"nah, im free, im free"

wow. i thought most guys were really into football and cease to function when they are watching a game..
so him actually layan-ing me was really a very touching gesture *hugs*

felt tons better. really. like totally as though this giganourmous cloud was blown away by a very strong gust of wind.

he told me that its normal for everyone to feel the same way i do at one point or another. we are human after all and that we have to step up from whatever it is we are going through. its sound advice, given by one who's been there done that, you know?

eventhough its advice ive heard many times, i think all i really needed was to talk to someone. someone comforting.

and that is why, i feel so much better now.

oh?
just in case you were wondering.
she still has not replied me yet ^^

2008-04-12T01:07:00.001+08:00

dear ms FJ

no, im not talking about you.

*paranoid android*

*grin*

2008-04-11T12:36:00.000+08:00

she still hasn't replied and its now 1240.
seriously, i have no mood right now.

tickity-tock

2008-04-11T10:21:00.003+08:00

dippity doo~~

i think im really paranoid..about everything in general.
nah.

i think im paranoid about things that aren't supposed to be that important. such as not receiving msgs from people that i am close to.

hm. lets see, i havent heard from her in over two weeks, lets just drop a line- "hi, how are you?"

tick
tock
tick
tock
tick
tock
tick
tock
tick
tockticktockticktock
....................................

is she sleeping? perhaps.
but its 1030! she sleep so early meh? no right..
maybe shes busy.
but at 1030 wor!
no credit perhaps?
CANNOT BE...i hope..
shit.
is she angry at me?
WHAT did i do?
...........
i didnt do anything, right? right?...or did i?
cannot be...

OH NO DID I DO SOMETHING TO OFFEND HER?

haih.

i must stop being so needy. and sensitive. and ~~pathetic~~ paranoid.

i suppose im not used to it when i dont get replies immediately. especially from people im close to because id immediatey think they are not speaking to me, or that they dont want to talk to me.

i can imagine those reading this will say
"but if you know you didnt do anything wrong, why then do you feel like this?"

you see, thats why im nuts.

eventhough i know i didnt do anything, id still think that way.

i care alot about how the other person feels. i mean, i try my best not to say or do anything that would hurt the person im talking to, but sometimes its inevitable that a slip of the tongue, or a careless gesture may lead to so many unexpected reactions.

but i think its all in knowing a person well, to know when they are joking or when they really mean what they say.

certain events have led me to think that its not always the case. imagine thinking you know a person so well and suddenly with no compromise, they say or do something or react in a way which totally throws you off balance and make you go "WHAAAAAAAAAAAT?!!"

but really. its exhausting. its exhausting to look at the phone and the only difference in the display is the time. no messages at all. its funny how in music videos when they are trying to show the audience that the lead character has no new messages, a huge ass screen will appear on the phone's display blaring

"YOU HAVE NO NEW MESSAGES"

thank god we dont actually have that. seriously. it would make people like me curl up in a little ball and die.

abit sad, no? its like the phone is taunting you and saying
"HAHA! YOU PATHETIC HUMAN BEING! YOU HAVE NO SOCIAL LIFE! IF I WERE NOT A LIFELESS DIGITAL OBJECT, I THINK I WOULD HAVE DIED OF BOREDOM FROM THE LACK OF ACTIVITY THANKS TO YOUR SOCIAL INEPTNESS!"

i dont think i would love my phone that much anymore.

so do you know how i get over the whole paranoia thing?
im just gonna turn off my phone til i get over it. yes, i know, when i turn it on again to make calls or what not, its going to be obvious if i have messages or not, but at least it'll spare me the agony of having to glance at it every 10 seconds.

somebody, get me a new hobby.

2008-04-09T23:41:00.002+08:00

one thing ive learnt:
when i say i wanna take a 15 minute nap, i should stop lying to myself.

was so exhausted, i set my alarm to ring at 5:15 and another backup alarm to ring at 5:20.

when i opened my eyes again, it was 5:45.

and that was when, i, in my groggy state realised..

my phone time is set according to the 24 hours mode. not the AM/PM mode!

hurriedly shut the alarm off, or else id be getting a rude shock tomorrow morning ;p

see.
this is what i mean.

waking up half an hour after the intended time ensures you would be rushing into class half an hour after class starts.

wish i was born under a more punctual star.

2008-04-09T16:05:00.000+08:00

GERI HAS TO SLEEP

going for night class is something i don't look forward to at all

Tuesday, February 16 2008-law of attraction

2008-04-09T15:44:00.000+08:00

from now on and from this day forward...

i am okay.
i am doing great.
i am attracting positive things into my life.
i will be happy.

Friday, February 22 2008-back to black,literally

2008-04-09T15:34:00.000+08:00

i think black is getting to me.
i am slowly amassing really dark colours, mostly black and white outfits cuz they match my new hair colour so well :D

haih.
im not up to wearing chirpy bright colours lately anyway.

Friday, February 22 2008- empty, nothing, blank

2008-04-09T15:27:00.004+08:00

im trying my very best.im trying so so hard, i dont know if i am supposed to be trying THAT hard to be happy.

anyways.i just took a look at Zbills profile. GELI sial.serious shit, damn damn geli..

ew.

theres this girl talking to him about how he never give her a good night kiss so she's gonna get nightmares..ugh..gross gross..ill get nightmares la tonight, after subjecting my eyes to such lewd PDA. ew.

ew. he's so cheap la, shes not even hot.

then i remembered how girls throw themselves at him, so i checked her profile out.
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWW!
he actually msged her "ko blanja aku mamam laksa" EW come on la, MAMAM? ew!
u knw what she replied?! ew!
"ku tolong mamam jak"

EW URGH YUCK PTOOIEEEE..............!!
INCREDIBLE SALAHNESS MAN

dunno la, hes so amusing sometimes i dunno whether i should laugh or cry.

anyways. after close to two weeks, he decided to msg me asking me out for a movie on monday. and i only replied 9 hours later hehe.
stupid la he, i dunno why im so nice to even bother replying, but all i said was "where, thought you got class on monday"

bloody fucker nvr replied.
so okay la, screw you.

(hm, already have, so lets see if i can use a better profanity)

piece of shit, i hope you get raped one day. hee...evil sial.

(i realised that me saying "eew" can be pretty annoying, but you see, ive got no other words to describe such disgust. *smiles*)

Wednesday,February 13 2008- valentines

2008-04-09T15:19:00.002+08:00

today the brother told me i looked like i could kill someone. its the hair i suppose. or the dark blue sweater i had on. or the "dont-fuck-with-me" look i had on. or maybe its a combination of all the above.

either way, its 2 hours to valentines and funny though it has no impact on me whatsoever because i wasn't even aware that its the 13th today!

ah, well. being single and so totally unattached means that there will be
1. no flowers (hah, like i got any from my practical ex-bf "why should i buy you something that will not last anyway?")
2. no chocolate or candy (which is good since i have a slight aversion to all things sweet lately)
3. no lovey dovey text (which for all you know had been forwarded to half the girls in the phonebook)
4. no wet kisses to look forward to (i enjoy it only when the guy has got some real skills. otherwise id just sit there with my mouth wide open)
5. no "nudge-nudge-wink-wink" moments (just not in the mood, baby)

im gonna spend it with the one person i love.
with myself.

i had pondered over whether or not id subject a person i love to the kind of pain ive subjected to myself. and the answer was a resounding NO.

imagine a person i love very much. (sam, min)
imagine me forcing either one of them to call a person who obviously does not want to be with them.
imagine me talking and making them think about things that evidently brings them pain and sorrow.
imagine me making them stay in bed the whole day because "they have to wait for a message that MIGHT come"
imagine me giving them drinks to drown their sorrow in when they are down.
imagine me telling them "please, skip class because you are depressed"
imagine me encouraging them to consider taking pills to cure the heartache.

i cant.
i cant do those things to them, because it will break me. i cannot bear to think about even doing those things to them. why is that so? because i care about them immensely, and i love them from the bottom of my heart.

so how about me?
do i care about myself the way i care about them?

obviously i dont.

so i will take time out to fix this broken relationship that i have with myself.
because if i dont love myself and if i do not realise and understand my self worth- no one will.

Monday, January 7 2008-what i take into bed with me instead of choc-chip cookies

2008-04-09T14:59:00.002+08:00

2008-04-09T14:51:00.002+08:00

you see during my forced hiatus, ive actually written a couple of stuff as there were a couple of things happening in my life since i shut down my blog.
mostly its changes that ive undergone, and i feel that i am strong enough to show it here.

ive decided that im going to try to be more honest about the way i see things, and not be too judgemental. but i think in doing so, i may in turn inadvertently step on a couple of toes, and for that i would like to apologize in advance.

i miss my oneorangecow! :)

me is not caring no more

2008-04-06T22:03:00.001+08:00

i thought about it and i figured..
fuck it, im just gonna blog on this site..
yay!
welcome me back!

ah,feels good...

2007-06-12T14:29:00.000+08:00

to be back..after so so so long...
so, exams are over, and now i have till august to hibernate at home..thats like about..2 months?
what im thinking at the mo' is that 2 months is a LONG time when you are doing nothing, and yet its really really short if you apply for a part time job..
so...
what should i do huh?

okay, i need to digress.

WHAT
THE HELL
WERE THE EXAMINERS THINKING
WHEN THEY SET THE PAPER!!!!!!???????????????????????

it was tough....aaaa.....
no la, it was very very tricky,no?
for tort, supposedly one of the easier topics got me reading the paper inside out, TRYING to look for the questions we all were accustomed to..it was like they came up with things no one thought they would ask... how can?! *flails arms about wildly*
no need to say anything about evidence, or land, or trust.
HOW COULD YOU NOT SET A QUESTION ABOUT CHARITIES ACT, man?!
and how could you leave a question about Jameel out too? (note, that this is not in bold because i didn't prepare for it :D )

day-mmnn.....

ok.
i know what im gonna have to do now then..
im gunnah spend mah two months studyin' and 'ope for the best

2007-03-11T23:24:00.000+08:00

sunday
11th march, 2007.
blog had to be closed down temporarily due to some unforeseen circumstances.

its only natural to be interested in the enemy

2007-03-09T01:14:00.000+08:00

i dont like confrontation, so i'll keep my comments to myself.

but shame on you on being such a gossipy tell-all

and to you? i may not have understood it then, but i see things in a clearer view now. thanks, for doing what you did. you may have gained a friend out of my loss, but all i see is just a way of making space in my life for those who matters.

so if i sounded bitter when you heard it, i was, but not at the time when you heard it.
after all, it must seem to be pretty nice to have friends now, when you didnt have any back then.

so there.

i rest my case.

2007-03-08T20:26:00.000+08:00

how does it feels like to be invisible?

it feels nice, sometimes.

i never really liked to wear my glasses. its okay when your power low and if you only need to wear it because you can't see the board or something..i have been using glasses since i was 10 years old no thanks to my insane fondness for books. ...

i've always tried to imagine how my life would be like if i had taken better care of my eyes, perhaps not to read so much, not to read in dark dark places, not to stare at the computer till my eyes become red...
my eyesight is pretty bad,evidenced by my thick lenses even though its the special kind where its supposed to be thinner then the ordinary lens. furthermore, i have always thought that i looked pretty different with them on because of the overall image a pair of glasses gives.

so yeah, i've never really liked wearing em.

but they can come in handy when you just wanna blend in with the faceless throng of people..when i just dont give a damn about whether my hair is combed properly or if i have a wrinkle-free shirt on...when i wanna walk through the entrance of centerpoint and not be accosted by the bloody fucking idiots standing there.

so the bottomline is?

being invisible when you want to, is pretty darn fine by me.

oneorangecow

reminder #854

diamonds in her back

its not intentional..

jobro ohno

the aftermath

cry blood

after 15 unreplied texts

slipping under the radar

compensation

moving on

diary entry

"tah pape la budak ni"

*SNIP*

*OUCH*

my house is noisy

boberry and min!

i feel like a tiny mushroom

racist

choose to be alone?

rockster

new layout!

me love you long time

annoying la. stop smiling.

I WANT IT

dreams

no more

you are an expensive baby

malaysian squatters association

Dear Yee Meng

boom

go away if you're looking for something happy to read

sick cycle carousel

a romantic, but an utterly hopeless one

clutching at straws

rant

THIS IS A SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT

I pray my story has a happy ending

i am a sucker for pain.

i miss you guys. so very much.

i can finally breathe once more

am i dyslexic?

4 days worth

geri's long day

bubbly

nonsensical nonsense

something you can't run away from

slutty therapy

quitting, starting over

i can't say that i don't like you, can't say i do either

ineedajobrealfast

happiness. joy.

anything for you

The Commando

its over

"risky love"

miss you miss you damn you

*frustrated*

last class of the academic year.

take a bow. shows over.

when you snooze, you lose.

what do you think?

exBfNo3

don't wanna know la

lazy sunday

new layout!

f.l.u.b

grey area

Jessica Rabbit

kickapoo

"give them cake!"

eureka?

Can anyone please explain Art 59 of the Brussels Convention?

cradlesnatcher

there are 3 people who completes my life. i love you immensely.

you can hold my hand if you want to

i'll stand very still so you wont have to be afraid of me

tickity-tock

Tuesday, February 16 2008-law of attraction

Friday, February 22 2008-back to black,literally

SNIP

OUCH

frustrated

Friday, February 22 2008- empty, nothing, blank