in a previous entry remember i mentioned about how my feelings were all funny and that i couldn't decide between two guys?
it was amazingly, a burst of anger and jealousy that made me decide it all in the end. i had to endure days of supressed jealousy and uncertain thoughts before my mind could finally be cleared out...
you see, it started like this, the said person, he and i we talk online rather often and we have, absolutely everything in common! furthermore, he is not the type of person i thought he was, because to me he always seems so stuck-up and that he was the usual pretty boy, only know how to care for himself..so in a nutshell, i was totally taken aback by his way of thinking, and we can talk and talk and talk and continue talking..i have a weak spot for guys like these, those who are good conversationalists and those who are really funny also what was important at that time was that we clicked, instantly, all of it as a huge pleasant surprise to me.
what pissed me off the most was that he totally ignored me in class.completely.its as if i am not even there, and the part that got me really mad was when he speaks to my friend and not to me, even when i am right next to her. stupid isn't it?it really pissed me off and here i was, wondering why the hell he bother to be so nice to me online but in class he acts that way. my friends are very important to me and when i see that we can click so well online, i would rather that we become "real" friends, so that i can see if it is really him , see if that is how he really is in real life. but he was acting like such an asshole that i feel like a total idiot for looking forward to our conversations..
one day i just blew it. it had come to a point where i was just so damn angry, i actually went online and got him back nicely.i have always been straightforward so that day was no different. i asked him outfront what the hell did he think he was doing, no point we talk online if in class he ignores me and pays all the attention to my friend! after that, my mind became crystal clear. i didnt actually have THOSE feelings for him? why ,all the times i felt upset was because he didn't talk to me, and that hurt pretty bad. not because i had feelings for him..it was just because all i wanted was for us to be normal friends!
so thereafter, needless to say, things are better between the both of us now,we are talking in class and online. i feel that once you have met someone who you have so much in common with, it means that there is something valuable there, and i think i did the right thing by making sure our friendship was more than a facade. i have begun to look at this guy beyond his looks and his general attitude, i think that he is not what many people perceives him to be.
as for my boyfriend? yeah i am still with him..and i think that throughout this whole episode, i have begun to appreciate him a bit more and you see? everything worked out well in the end.
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
Friday, March 10, 2006
friends and you
in life, i have always believed that friends are the most important thing a person can have.and no matter where or when, you know that these group of people will be there with you through your ups and downs.sometimes, you may meet people who are not that nice, and sometimes there are people who bring you down, people who make you reconsider your whole identity...i know that i have met people who are not so nice, and not very kind, people who bring me down and people who have a negative effect on you.but hey, its okay.for i know who my friends are and most importantly i know what i want out of a friendship.friends have fun together and go through everything with you.
that is why, this blog is for my college friends.we have met so many different people but at last, here we are, having found each other, really happy and content.
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
dilemma
as we know there are things that we cannot see
and certain things that are just not meant to be
but somehow i wonder if this is a test
for now my mind is unable to rest
how things were before it is not the same now
and it hurts me bad someway somehow
i wish that i could see what the future holds for me
and give me back my sanity
i am currently torn between one and two
tell me now, my heart belongs to who?
i know i love one and he loves me too
but i feel so guilty because i think about number two
what type of choice am i supposed to make
inevitably someone's heart is going to break
im scared its mine because its been broken before
and i told myself my heart will break no more
i feel so selfish, and terrible inside
but feelings are something you just cannot fight
i am at a dilemma unsure of what to do
this roller coaster makes me feel like a fool
my heart skips a beat when i see them
it happens all the time, no matter where or when
you see my feelings are equally divided
at least for now its not one sided
i cry when i hear love songs on the radio
its not that simple, it really isn't so
for this moment now i'll try to deny
whatever the feelings that i have for this guy
i'll look at this situation with a smile
and everything will be worth its while
and certain things that are just not meant to be
but somehow i wonder if this is a test
for now my mind is unable to rest
how things were before it is not the same now
and it hurts me bad someway somehow
i wish that i could see what the future holds for me
and give me back my sanity
i am currently torn between one and two
tell me now, my heart belongs to who?
i know i love one and he loves me too
but i feel so guilty because i think about number two
what type of choice am i supposed to make
inevitably someone's heart is going to break
im scared its mine because its been broken before
and i told myself my heart will break no more
i feel so selfish, and terrible inside
but feelings are something you just cannot fight
i am at a dilemma unsure of what to do
this roller coaster makes me feel like a fool
my heart skips a beat when i see them
it happens all the time, no matter where or when
you see my feelings are equally divided
at least for now its not one sided
i cry when i hear love songs on the radio
its not that simple, it really isn't so
for this moment now i'll try to deny
whatever the feelings that i have for this guy
i'll look at this situation with a smile
and everything will be worth its while
Saturday, March 04, 2006
i am really,really starting to hate you
to whom it may concern
please dont complain about how lonely you are or how everyone has deserted you.no one really cares or give a damn anymore because frankly,you brought it upon yourself. stop whining about how sad your life is because people leave you alone, and stop asking why things like these keeps on happening to you when you have so much to offer.
perhaps when you actually bother to analyze yourself thoroughly you will find the answer, and it all boils down to this : YOU are YOUR biggest enemy.
strangers become acquaintances who become friends. with you, it is because of what you do that it goes the opposite direction.when there are people who genuinely wants to be friends with you, you always manage to spoil it. even so, you have the same effect on other people.today i found out you had tried to do the same thing to me.
you are rather odd in the sense that whenever you try to quote something that another person had said previously, you always somehow manage to screw and twist the whole thing upside down.suddenly there will be new words inserted, with new meanings and its all for what?you, on your own, manage to pull people apart just like that. and the worst thing is you really remind me of someone i used to know and the most important part is that i am NO LONGER on speaking terms with that friend.
i tried to tolerate you, i did.irregardless of everything.
you can spread lies about others, and yet you wonder why we are not so close as we were before.
are you aware that you are very lucky that we are still TALKING to you?
one more wrong move, i can assure you that i will no longer even look at you.i have given you so many chances but looks like those chances are wasted on you.
look, i think i know why you are "angry" with me.though you have never expressed it, look, i know.
if you cant be a good friend , you will lose your friends.
in this case, if i have taken something that "belonged" to you, TOO BAD!
YOU brought this upon YOURSELF.
and that is more than anyone can say.
yours truly
please dont complain about how lonely you are or how everyone has deserted you.no one really cares or give a damn anymore because frankly,you brought it upon yourself. stop whining about how sad your life is because people leave you alone, and stop asking why things like these keeps on happening to you when you have so much to offer.
perhaps when you actually bother to analyze yourself thoroughly you will find the answer, and it all boils down to this : YOU are YOUR biggest enemy.
strangers become acquaintances who become friends. with you, it is because of what you do that it goes the opposite direction.when there are people who genuinely wants to be friends with you, you always manage to spoil it. even so, you have the same effect on other people.today i found out you had tried to do the same thing to me.
you are rather odd in the sense that whenever you try to quote something that another person had said previously, you always somehow manage to screw and twist the whole thing upside down.suddenly there will be new words inserted, with new meanings and its all for what?you, on your own, manage to pull people apart just like that. and the worst thing is you really remind me of someone i used to know and the most important part is that i am NO LONGER on speaking terms with that friend.
i tried to tolerate you, i did.irregardless of everything.
you can spread lies about others, and yet you wonder why we are not so close as we were before.
are you aware that you are very lucky that we are still TALKING to you?
one more wrong move, i can assure you that i will no longer even look at you.i have given you so many chances but looks like those chances are wasted on you.
look, i think i know why you are "angry" with me.though you have never expressed it, look, i know.
if you cant be a good friend , you will lose your friends.
in this case, if i have taken something that "belonged" to you, TOO BAD!
YOU brought this upon YOURSELF.
and that is more than anyone can say.
yours truly
Friday, March 03, 2006
HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOYCEY!
happy birthday to you!
happy birthday to you!
happy birthday to joycey!!
happy birthday to you!
you are a wonderful friend, one of the kindest people i have ever known.
you are beautiful because the goodness shine from deep within your heart and you are so genuine.
happy 21st birthday, joycey..
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
black hole
hi all
for the past few months i have been experiencing some rather annoying pain that seems to be coming from the back of my mouth :c so, i guess that this little bitsy problem of my wisdom tooth is coming out...argh..
i really really was waiting for it to come out, after all, it'll be cool to see something new hehehe
but, it was taking so so long to come out and it was giving me pain so i went to the dentist last friday...i tell you, her office is to die for..it must have been elaborately decorated by some interior designer, and it is really really really REALLY nice..there were paintings on the wall, lots of cool magazines to read, and the colour scheme was absolutely wonderful...it was in warm hues, complemented with perfect throw up lightings..and she had a rack full of magazines!its was packed and all of it kept in place! arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh............i wanna be a dentist.
anyway...i had an xray done and i wanted to laugh when i saw it...my wisdom tooth are all funny...not growing properly cuz some of them (huh, i mean, i only have 4 so to be specific TWO of them) are not growing straight!
so to cut a long story short, i now have a big gaping hole at the back of my mouth.
i now can only chew on one side of my mouth and it sucks!
anyway,why this little update is about a week later is cuz ive been so so busy lately..
hm
:(
i miss my tooth
for the past few months i have been experiencing some rather annoying pain that seems to be coming from the back of my mouth :c so, i guess that this little bitsy problem of my wisdom tooth is coming out...argh..
i really really was waiting for it to come out, after all, it'll be cool to see something new hehehe
but, it was taking so so long to come out and it was giving me pain so i went to the dentist last friday...i tell you, her office is to die for..it must have been elaborately decorated by some interior designer, and it is really really really REALLY nice..there were paintings on the wall, lots of cool magazines to read, and the colour scheme was absolutely wonderful...it was in warm hues, complemented with perfect throw up lightings..and she had a rack full of magazines!its was packed and all of it kept in place! arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh............i wanna be a dentist.
anyway...i had an xray done and i wanted to laugh when i saw it...my wisdom tooth are all funny...not growing properly cuz some of them (huh, i mean, i only have 4 so to be specific TWO of them) are not growing straight!
so to cut a long story short, i now have a big gaping hole at the back of my mouth.
i now can only chew on one side of my mouth and it sucks!
anyway,why this little update is about a week later is cuz ive been so so busy lately..
hm
:(
i miss my tooth
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