geri's long day

alright so its my last free monday of my holiday for tomorrow i shall be starting my attachment at z&c.

damn nervous la wei. like stomach churning breaking out in cold sweat weak legs kinda nervous.

i knew i shouldn't have skipped yoga AGAIN. maybe all of the stretching and twisting would be just right to straighten up all my knotted nerves.

you know, im so uptight that it does not even bother me that the bf has not msged me for one whole day.

*edit*
fuck you dude.
i got other things to worry about.
forgiven, sayang.

its the last day of june, my hols started earlier this month. so its been roughly a month of not doing..anything? true, i didn't intend on doing anything at all this hols, but as time goes by really really slowly...its just more than i can bear, honestly..

im gonna have to take a passport photo later for work tomorro though..i procrastinate till the very last minute, my god..joycey tells me that the photo people do some work on the photo before printing it out..but really, do they do that? how kind!
im just gonna slather on concealer anyways, to be safe *sigh*

there are 3 people im expecting to hear from today.. and ExBfNo3 is one of them.
can't wait to catch up over lunch!

__________________________________________

so its currently 11 pm, and the countdown to working begins..nerves, my dear, be calm..

i didnt have a very good day. ExBfNo3 called me back only after two hours. i know, i shouldnt be so uptight about it but he made me wait sooo long, and i didnt want to have anything to eat because i was unsure as to what my lunch plans are going to be. why i bothered waiting? its because he had some errands to run before he could confirm our lunch plans, but i know for a fact that his msg could have come earlier.and there i go again. waiting for a guy.

i couldnt handle not having my kawan kawan around me so i actually went to my car in the parking lot and tried my best not to cry.
imagine? i get myself a pair of shoes and walk around one u looking at the phone sooo often that had anyone studied me closely, they would think i was being stood up.
waiting for my lunch date to call. (busy with errands)
waiting for my bf to msg me with his usual "hey, what you do?" (in class)
waiting for the best friend who flew in from UK to msg me cuz ive been waiting to hear from him ever since knowing he's back.(out to lunch, etc etc..dont blame him, after all he just got back..)

abit disappointing la really.
most disappointing was the fact that deep down, i knew this is not how i wanted to spend the day.

finally i couldnt stand it,i cried in the car.
really, i am not shy to say that i shed a few tears in the comfort of my car, and gave kiko a call blasting him with a torrent of "why-haven't-you-msg-me" and a dash of "i've-been-waiting-for-my-ex-to-msg-me-for-nearly-3-freaking-hours"

i hate it when he makes me feel better.
means ive caved in.
i wanted to be all kelly-clarkson-independent-woman-type you know, and initial plan was to ignore him for one whole day.
tit for tat, you know, i dont get your msgs, you wont get mine too *hmph*
but i can't.
i just needed him at that point.

however.
i received the msg from ExBfNo3 at 2.
i only replied at 530.
see how HE likes it, waiting for 3 freaking hours.

then much later on, i felt bad.
"i'm sorry i replied so late. had a bad day"

sigh.

so we talked awhile..when suddenly
"hey, i call you later, okay? im going out now, im really sorry la wei"

wtf.
"you know that is like the third time you said you'll call me..don't say things you don't mean"

seee?
so full of benci-ness.

kiko tells me to rest.
i tell him im excited about going to work..its like going back to school :)
i hope for all the best!
and like my peers and kawans, ill try to blog about my experiences as well as i can :)

good night.
ending the post with a happy note.
*round of orange juice for all!*

bubbly

i just got back from dinner.. and all i can think of now is

The rain is falling on my window pane
But we are hiding in a safer place

Under covers staying nice and warm

You give me feelings that i adore

They start in my toes

Make me crinkle my nose

Wherever it goes

I always know

That you make me smile

Please stay for a while now

Just take your time

Wherever you go

to those who know what is really happening..im just falling deeper into it, huh? i cant help it.

nonsensical nonsense

Excerpt 1:

what have you been up to lately, now that you have no classes said yoki to me.
FERMENTING said i.
LOL said he what a word to use!
i think we may have very well started a new term.

Let me illustrate for you.
Q: Hey, you free tonight?
A: Nah, i've got to ferment.

Excerpt 2:

hello said i to kiko. are you awake?
no said he, i'm half asleep.
alright then, talk to me when you're fully awake said i, not wanting to disturb him.
i can't sleep, he grumbles. the sun is shining in my face.
oh? said i as i raise an eyebrow. how inconsiderate of the sun to do so..when i see it, i'll be sure to scold it for shining into ur face.

something you can't run away from

woohoooo

come 1st July il be experiencing new things, in a place which (on first impression) seems to be very impressive.

i have been very adamant to those (who are willing to listen, of course) that i don't ever wanna grow up.
when i grow up, i wanna be a kid
i like being a student, it leaves my days free to do as i wish provided of course i don't totally leave my books to rot in the gutter. this realisation arose after i had worked for 5 months in a place where the job was really causing my IQ to further decrease. eventhough it paid well, it was the type of job that only robots will enjoy doing, seeing as it was so mechanical.
i really pity those who work as admin assistants. if their job is anything like how mine was, lets just say im upping the pity quotient an additional 50%.
ever since then, i told myself being a student is way better than this.

however, one day as i was preaching how great it is to be at the age we are now, someone said yes, but everyone has to grow up sometime. you will look pretty silly if ur still a professional student at 40.

considered my bubble burst.yes, deep deep deep deep deep deep down deeper than the deepest downest of my being, i know is a truth we all can't run away from.
*tying on me running shoes*

my reason for not wanting to grow up is because of the lack of familiarity. that adults seem to become grey when they start working. i don't ever wanna become grey! they sit in offices all day on a comfy cushioned chair with the aircon blasting at its maximum..
havoc on skin, havoc on the butt.

id be graduating in a few months time. its so fast. time to finish writing the last few chapters of Geri The Student, and moving on to a draftwork of Geri The Working Adult.

starting a new chapter, is starting all over again.
from learning so much to be placed in a situation where you know nothing once again. therefore lies my downfall which is where i have this fear of looking like a total and complete idiot in a situation where i don't have a clue as to what is going on.
and that if i ask, the person on the receiving end will think im being annoying.

but the more i think about it, the more it makes sense.
its all because i am no longer in control of the situation. i don't know what the others around me are thinking, i don't know how these people are like..so it is natural to feel intimidated by it all.
it should obviously not hinder me from learning as much as i can, correct?

everyone has to start somewhere, one cannot expect to go straight to the top when ur still a little fresh thing, isn't it? i was told, once..
the easier it is to go to the top, the easier it is to fall

its okay. i rather pay my dues now, and take each step slowly.

falling down causes bruises which takes forever to go away.

slutty therapy

to those who are willing to spend time reading my blog, i just want to say thank you.

i think it can get a bit tiresome when i mostly speak aboout my limbo relationship. but alas, that is the one interesting event happening in my life at the moment.

on another note, ExBfNo3 had been pretty sweet, and talking to me pretty regularly in the past week. but somehow, i don't feel like wasting my time getting close to him again. a friend once said it's always the nicest in the beginning and every word rings a bell of truth.
what turned the milk sour? his unpleasant comments which left a bad taste in my mouth.

i dislike racism. unfortunately he said a couple of things that totally turned me off. come on, i have best friends from 3 of the major races, so if you are looking for a racist debate, please go elsewhere because i don't have the time to deal with your narrow mindedness.
each person has their own prejudices, but who are you to say you're more superior than another? cant we look beyond colour? stop using religion and race as a fucking excuse, alright? it all boils down to the person you are deep inside. look, even the Pharisees were a bunch of assholes and they are the ones who held pretty high positions in the synagogue, look at what happened to them?

ive always believed that if you want to be treated well, you have to treat others well too.
similarly, i wouldn't want people talking about my race, so i dont talk about others.
i am a strong believer of what it is to lead by example.

the thing about words? you can't take it back.
so i am not interested in what he has to say, anymore.

on to lighter things.

ive often wondered, how do people juggle more than 2 or 3 other people at one time? seriously? ive had my fair share of dealing with 3, 4 guys at a time, but its so exhausting.. furthermore, even when i am dealing with all of them, there is usually one person whom i pay most attention to.
on a good day, i end up making firm and fast friends. No feelings whatsoever.
on a bad day, i fall for one who turns out to be the wrong one to fall for.
how can i juggle these men without getting my feelings involved?
how do they do it?
they are sluts thats why. don't worry.
you know. maybe we need to be sluts so we dont get hurt.

quitting, starting over

i was feeling pissed with the amount of parental control in the house for the past week.
so when a twenty-something feels that way, the parents should rue the day.

decided im not going to be the doormat anymore. after all if there was even some sort of acknowledgement that i have been pulling my weight around the house it wouldn't be so bad but there i was getting slammed for things ive supposedly not been doing.

and then, something within me snapped.
why on earth am i being scolded as though i have not been doing anything at all to help around the house?
ask any friends of mine, and they will tell you that i always cut my trips short because im always in a hurry to ensure there is food on the dinner table.

why am i being accused of not being a good example when i tell my siblings to make sure they have an opinion and not grow up to be spineless creatures?

decided, that was it.
i absolutely refused to look for a job because i have been putting my family first all this while.
i kept on thinking, if i work, how about the chores around the house? how about dinner?

so you know, i QUIT.

got my resume together, got myself an interview, got myself a position at a firm.

so i got til july to get my stuff together and making sure ive got enough clothes to wear..
its been a long time since i last worked in an office anyway.
if you take a look at my wardrobe, you'll see the clothes of a college student who goes to the gym regularly, and has a penchant for dresses.

this is one shopping trip i absolutely dread.

i can't say that i don't like you, can't say i do either

12:20
whatchu up to?
nothing.
wanna go out?
yes! what time?
1.
thats like in a while isnt it?
yeah. dont want to be at home any longer.
got some stuff to do. call you later.

1:45
hey, lets go watch kung fu panda together.
sure.
so il pick you up k, 3?
dont make me wait, its hot there..
*princess* yes yes il be there and i wont make you wait.
promise?
promise.

2:45
woi. where are you?
still waiting for the train.

3:43
will be there in 20 minutes

4:10
im here already
will be there in a minute

4:10
see, i was here less than a minute! i wanna watch kungfu panda. its at 5.
can sampai on time onot?
can.

5:00
two tickets for kungfu panda please :)
couple seat?
yes.

ineedajobrealfast

SOMEBODY, ANYBODY.

PLEASE GIVE ME A JOB.

GERI WANTS TO WRITE FOR YOU.

SO PLEASE GIVE GERI A JOB THAT ALLOWS HER TO WRITE TO HER HEART'S CONTENT.

FASHION, LIFESTLYE, FOOD, RELATIONSHIPS.

PLEASE GIVE ME A JOB.