why do i bother when i know that i'll end up like this

sometimes i wonder why i even bother.
why do i even bother feeling happy or excited, why do i even bother to think about what and how things are going to be like.
i wish sometimes that i was an introvert so that i dont really care about who i know and who i dont know.
i'll just keep to myself and not say a word and not give a damn, and i will be fine with that.
but no, of course not, its not meant to be,i am who i am, and unfortunately i am the type of person that can't hide her emotions easily and so here i am a total wreck.
if only my feelings come equiped with a switch that i can easily flick 'on' or 'off' at will, but no, of course, its not possible.
some may do these way much better than others but no, its not that way for me.i envy all of you who could do so because life, i think, will be easier to tolerate.
i wish that i have never gone through the day that leads all the way to how things are now.i wish that i have never met certain people and i wish that things had not changed so drastically to the way things are now.
wishes dont come true, especially when they are concerned with ammending the past. i have dreams but whether they will come true is an entirely different thing altogether. they come true when i least expect them to and sometimes, they come true at the wrong time.
why do i get myself into trouble like this, its the same old story all over again.
i want to stop making a fool out of myself, i feel as if i am the biggest fool already.you will want what you can't have, but to me, its worse because when i want something, i'll do anything to get it. and i wont stop til i do. and in the process, i'll end up hurting myself and others and then what happens?
i cant force circumstances and i cant manipulate things to make them suit my way.
it takes two to tango and i hope with all my heart that one day he will ask me to dance.
but until then?
i'll continue to dream because what i feel are here for a reason and i think i owe it to myself not to deny my own feelings anymore.