dreams

i read somewhere that when we dream, its a culmination of our hopes, our fears. 

it's a reflection of what we think of constantly and those which we keep hidden deep beneath.

is it possible to fall into a dreamless slumber?

i've been getting disturbing dreams lately. 

maybe its because i cry so much and constantly have dark depressing thoughts surrounding me.

it even came to a point where i wanted to take meds just so that i can sleep. 

you see, desperate times, desperate measures.

medicine is not the only drug that can make you sleep.

i usually wake up after few hours of sleep to the sun shining brightly into my room with a tear-streaked face.

there was even a time where i refused to sleep when i was so exhausted in the afternoon because i wanted to save my sleep for the night.

i cant be up during the night.

too quiet, too dark, too lonely.

drives me crazy.

i hope that soon, i'll be able to wake up from this nightmare.

that continues even as i am awake.